My Gay Diary
by Blame Blam
Summary: The spirit of a book is talking to Sam, intending to guide him to his true self. Which is, if you ask the spirit, gay.
1. Introduction

Okay, look. I am on the next chapter of _It's My Life_, really. It's just that I don't have inspiration for that right now. So this here happened. I'm sorry but then again I'm not because I like to write silly fics. So... yeah.

S4 AU: No Bram.

Summary: The spirit of a book is talking to Sam, intending to guide him to his true self. Which is, if you ask the spirit, gay.

* * *

><p><strong>My Gay Dairy<strong>

**Prologue**

Gay Spirit Warrior attentively observed the people around him. Parents strolled by sales areas, their young children running around laughingly and their teenage children a few metres behind, hoping to become invisible if they only were quiet enough. They had been forced to attend the flea market and rather wanted to be home playing video games. Oh, they didn't know what they were missing out on. How great their life could be when they only lived it!

Gay Spirit Warrior sighed and turned to his student, Adrian. Of course Adrian was just a young foolish boy and not a real student since he had never listened to Gay Spirit Warrior. For that boy all hope was lost. He had turned eighteen last month, moved on from parental guidance and was selling some things now to make money for new stuff. It wouldn't help him on his quest to live life to the fullest since he was focusing on the wrong things. On materialism and what people thought of him and how he could get a job that would bring him admiration. He didn't think of his own dreams, nor did he focus on his talents or paid attention to who he really was, denying his bisexual leanings. Again because of what other people might think.

Gay Spirit Warrior shook his head. He had tried. He had been with Adrian since he was sixteen, since his 'crazy' cousin had given him the book Gay Spirit Warrior lived in. Adrian had started to read it but lost interest after a while and no call however loud could have brought him back.

"Oh, that's a nice necklace!" A woman stopped in front of Adrian's blanket and he looked up from his sports magazine.

"Yeah, it's from my grandmother, really expensive", he lied. It was from his younger sister and had accidentally landed in one of his moving boxes.

The woman observed it while her husband minded the two younger children. There also was a teenage son who stood in front of the blanket, looking as bored as he could.

"Do you like video games? I got hundreds that I don't need anymore", Adrian addressed him and pointed to the things that he sold.

"Yeah, but I have a _Wii_."

"I also have some _Wii_ games."

Adrian actually made the effort to put down his magazine and lean over to the left. He pushed a few books away and took two boxes to show them to the boy. The boy accepted them but his eyes stayed on a book.

"Gay spirit warrior?" he read the title.

Gay Spirit Warrior pricked up his ears. The boy could see him! The boy was interested… maybe he could become his new student!?

"Yeah, my cousin gave that to me, I don't know why, she's crazy, no one ever takes her seriously", Adrian said. Gay Spirit Warrior rolled his eyes. Excuses!

"I don't need it", Adrian added. "For two dollars it's yours."

The boy's cheeks reddened slightly. "It's not like I… I mean I have a gay friend. He might like it."

"Sure", Adrian said.

"It's really for my friend. His name is Blaine."

"Uhu, whatever."

"How much are those?" The boy held up the games.

"Five dollar each."

"Mum! I need you to pay", the boy said. He bent down and took the book. Yes! Success! Gay Spirit Warrior danced his dance of victory. New student!

"I'm buying this for Blaine, mum."

"You mean I'm buying it for Blaine", the woman said as she got out her wallet.

"Nada Blaine! You, my dear friend, is who needs me", Gay Spirit Warrior said as he hurried to the blond boy's side and linked arms with him.

"We are going to have so much fun together!"

"Do you really need two more video games, Sam? Choose one", the woman said.

"But mum! I'm always done with it so fast!"

"Well, you have better things to do now anyway", Gay Spirit Warrior said. He didn't listen to the following argument – as always when he got a new student he was so enthusiastic he couldn't focus on anything. He danced around the people, sang, flew over their heads and lifted up the whole flea market atmosphere. Oh, he would so teach the young boy what it meant to live life to the fullest!

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><p><strong>Chapter 1 - Why me?<br>**

Three Months Later

Friday night and he was home. All of his friends were out with their dates or on parties (at least that was what he figured) but Sam was home alone and studied.

Or, well, sat at his desk and pushed a paper boat around. He tried to study, he really had, but after ten minutes he kind of woke up and realised his mind had wandered away again. This was going on since two hours already. He so deserved a break now. Chocolate. But no. Not worth it. Carrots maybe. No, nuts were good. Unsaturated fatty acids and everything.

When he came back to his room he got the shock of his life. Somebody was standing at the window. Sam dropped the bag of peanuts and immediately looked for his phone. On the desk. Just a few silent steps…

"How much longer will this go on?"

Sam froze. The man at the window had turned around and seriously looked at him. He looked like coming from a fancy-dress ball because he was dressed like an Indian. Native American, whatever. Clothes all old and yellow, hair long and black and there was a feather stuck to his headband.

"Uh… I'm going to call the police", Sam said.

"Since you got me you ignored me!"

Sam hurried to the desk, got his phone and typed in 911.

"I got you? Are you like a pet or what?" he said because he knew you had to keep villains talking.

"No, I'm a spirit."

"Oh." Sam let his phone sink. That would explain the silly outfit. But he couldn't believe stuff like that without a proof, his mum had said so.

"Proof it."

"My name is Gay Spirit Warrior."

"I said proof it, not tell me how to call you. Wait. Why does that ring a bell?" Sam scratched his head and tried to think. A book appeared in front of his eyes. Something that had to do with Blaine?

"Look, I can walk through walls." The spirit man turned to the window and moved a step. Then he was outside and floated there, waving at Sam.

"Wooah, oh my God, how _cool_ is that?" Sam put his phone away and accidentally did a little jump. Luckily he was alone. Well, apart from a _spirit!_ He had so known it. He was special, he could talk to the dead.

"Grandpa, I miss you!"

The spirit was back in the room and frowned. "What? Now it not the time to talk to your ancestors. That is only part of the second section of the program."

"What program?"

"Well, the Gay Spirit Warrior program."

"Oh, there is that word again. Wait."

Sam opened a few drawers from his desk, his cupboard, and his bedside table drawer. Then he looked under his bed and pulled forth some dirty socks, a plastic replication of the sword Sting, a light saber, an empty chocolate box, a water bottle, well, the point was that after some time he found that book that some months ago he had bought to give it to Blaine. The problem had been he had gotten two new games at the same day so when Blaine had come over they had played and Sam had forgotten all about the written word. (Who needed books anyway?)

"Gay Spirit Warrior", he read in awe. "That's so cool. I'll make sure Blaine gets it."

"No. It's yours."

"I can give stuff away. It's called a gift. I know back in your days it probably wasn't common…"

"_You_ need it."

"Why would I?" Sam turned the book around and showed the cover to the spirit. "It's for gay people."

"So are you telling me that you never felt confused, unsure or curious about your sexuality?"

Sam threw the book on his bed and crossed his arms. "Hey, man. Look. I only made out with that dude because I wanted to know how it is and I was a stripper at that time so it's not like it was the worst thing I have done in Kentucky."

"Why are you upset? Who told you it's a bad thing?" The spirit went to the bed, sat down and opened the book.

"Nobody. Just… I'm not gay."

"You will need a diary."

"_What?_ I'm not writing a diary. A gay diary. I'm not… like that."

"Like what?"

"I'm no idiot who does stupid things."

"Good, because what we're going to do asks for a clever person with brains who can think for themselves."

Sam wondered whether the police would be able to see the spirit, too. And whether they would be able to arrest him. Because he was annoying and why was he even here? Sam had not invited him in!

Maybe he would have to call Ghost Busters.

"Who you're gonna call? Ghost Busters!" Sam took up a water bottle from the floor and pretended to shoot foam at the spirit. It didn't move.

Then Sam knew it. Of course. He was hallucinating. He knew he shouldn't have eaten that mushroom soup his mother had declared as healthy. What did she know? Nothing!

He hurried to the desk and took up his phone again. 911? Blaine? 911 or Blaine… Blaine or 911… who would rather believe him?

"Dude! There is a ghost in my room!" Sam said as Blaine picked up the phone.

"I'm a spirit", the man said.

"I mean a spirit", Sam added

"Hi, Sam, done with your homework?" Blaine asked.

"Blaine Devon, this is serious shit. That spirit thing. It's annoying and it won't go away. It wants me to do stuff."

"What stuff?"

"Uh, write a diary."

"That is weird. But, well, just do it. I mean what's bad about writing a diary? You can call it journal", Blaine said.

"Oh, a journal?"

"Yes. And from what I know about spirits they won't go away until they get their will. Just do it", Blaine said.

Sam sighed. Writing that wasn't for school? For 'fun'? Oh man.

"Okay. If I must."

"Did he say what he wants to teach you?"

"Uh… no?"

"Oh, well, you'll realise it soon enough."

"I'll need to buy a journal", Sam realised. He looked at the spirit man who was busy reading the book. Now he lifted his eyes though, and shook his head.

"I don't advice you to go to the mall with your friend."

"Oh, and why is that?"

"Why is what?" Blaine asked.

"Because you are easily distracted", spirit man said.

"I am _not_ easily distracted!" Sam said.

"Mh, depends", Blaine said.

"Do you have time for the mall?"

"Now?"

"Oh, and afterwards we could go to the cinema! Eat popcorn! Man, I haven't been to the movies in like forever. What's on?"

Blaine agreed to meet and when Sam put his phone away and met the look of the spirit man he shrugged.

"Life's there to enjoy it, right? I mean would you want me to sit home alone on a Friday night and write in my journal how lonely I am?"

"Life _is_ there to enjoy it", the man nodded. "Yet I fear you don't know what true joy is. You live on the surface and never go deeper."

"Deeper? As in… feelings and stuff?"

"Feelings, wise thoughts, knowing the intention of your life." The man nodded again, obviously very proud.

"I'm in high school." Sam said. He grabbed his wallet and car keys. "Hey, listen, I'm off. Don't wait up cause me and Blaine are, how do you put it, 'easily distracted' by each other, so it can take a while. I will buy a journal though, I promise."

"You'll have to write in your problems on one page and your goals on another."

"Can't you tell me when I'm actually writing?"

"I will show up", the man said, and then he got transparent until he wasn't to be seen anymore.

* * *

><p>AN The book I'm talking about is 'Gay spirit warrior' by John R. Stowe. Amazon has it. Other bookstores (those exist, right?), too.


	2. Let's start

Thaaank you guys je suis honored! xD

**Chapter 2 - Let's start!**

On the next day Sam tried to do his homework again. And again it was the spirit's fault that he couldn't do it. He just appeared next to the desk and bored his intense brown eyes into Sam.

"What?" Sam asked uneasily.

"Did you get a diary?"

"A journal? Yes."

"So, open it. Take a pen."

Sam sighed but did it. He held the pen over the white paper and waited for instructions.

"Now list all the problems, topics and worries you have about loving other men."

"Is this really going to be a gay thing?"

"I'm Gay Spirit Warrior. What do you think?"

"I should have given you to Blaine, that's what I think", Sam mumbled but he wrote '_My gay problems_' on the first page. Then he put the pen to his mouth (a crucial thinking gesture). Now. What would be his problems if he loved other men?

Firstly, he would have to tell his family. His father didn't like Ellen Degeneres. Who didn't like her, right? It had to be because she was gay. His mother wouldn't mind as much. His siblings neither since they were ten and eight.

Second. Blaine would think Sam being a man lover meant they could braid each other's hair and do each other's nails. Sam didn't want to have girly pyjama parties.

Third. Bullies in school, obviously.

Fourth. All his former bros – Finn, Puck, Mike, Rory - what would they think? And Ryder and Jake?

Fifth. Kurt would probably want to get it on with Sam and Sam really couldn't do this to Blaine.

Sixth. Jobs. Gay people were not as easily taken as straight ones. That's a fact, right?

Seventh. SAM LIKED GIRLS MAN!

He put the pen away and stretched his arms. "That was a lot of work."

"Now your goals", the spirit said.

"What."

"Take every point from your list and turn it into a positive goal. For example, the first one, you could write 'I want to find people who support me no matter what'."

Sam pulled a face. He wrote 'I want my father to like Ellen.'

G.S.W. shook his head. "This is not about you."

"Okay." Sam sighed. First. He wanted to find people who supported him no matter what.

Second. He wanted to be taken serious as a man. (Was that even possible when he was gay?)

Third. He wanted strangers to support him.

Fourth. He wanted bros that supported him. Okay, things got repeated now but that wasn't Sam's fault.

Fifth. He only wanted attention from guys he liked back. Yeah, right, like that would happen.

Sixth. He wanted a job. Oh wow, what a great insight!

Seventh. Sam also wanted girls to like him, not to think of him only as their gay best friend.

He leaned back and massaged his hand. Man, if he would write that much for school he would be ready with his homework in no time!

When Sam looked around he realised G.S.W was gone. He shrugged and turned his attention back to his paper. It was true, there were some disadvantages when one was gay. And wasn't it weird how his best friend was gay but they had never really talked about it? Sam had never thought about it much but there had to be special obstacles for Blaine because of his sexuality. It also influenced their friendship, that much was clear to Sam. He never would be as touchy-feely with his others bros. With Blaine it was easy to ask for cuddles because he wouldn't laugh and say how gay it was. Or be awkward about it.

When thinking about it that way… maybe that special bond he had thought he and Blaine shared wasn't really a special bond? Maybe he could have it with any other gay dude?

Well, except Kurt because with Kurt Sam had had absolutely nothing in common.

And then there was the million dollar question. When he met other gay dudes… could they ever make him want to kiss them?

"And now!"

Sam jerked up and looked around. "Damn you, G.S.W.! Do you have to frighten me like that?"

"But the fun part starts now!"

"Uhu, that is?"

"Finding to your own body."

"Uh…" Sam frowned. He looked down on himself. Pretty sure he was in his own body right now.

"Your body is unique and wise. Contrary to your brain that just thinks your body experiences life purely. It reflects everything how it is and not how you want it to be. But what I see in your society is how distant you are to your own bodies. You judge and try to look like other people want it to but do you really listen to your own guidance and feelings? Do you fully allow yourself to feel everything, even the 'bad' things? You're rushing instead of being. You alienate yourself from nature, sensitivity and female principles although those are crucial for the survival of a species."

"Okay."

G.S.W. shook his head deeply moved. Sam silently clicked his fingers against the desk. This was just like school, wasn't it? Listening to people who thought they knew everything better.

Alright. He knew that something was wrong with society and stuff but… man, it wasn't his problem to solve that!

"I will leave you alone for your next task. That is to stand in front of a mirror and watch yourself. Feel and perceive. Don't judge."

"Do I have to be naked?"

"That would be best."

"And you're not going to watch?"

"Of course not."

"It's still silly, man."

"Silliness and foolishness is the best antidote against yearlong self-damnation." And with those wise words G.S.W. vanished again.

Sam stayed in his chair and stared at his fingers. They were part of his body after all.

Why on _earth_ would he stand naked in front of a mirror and look at himself? That was… weird, silly, stupid. Nobody did that. Well yeah, okay, maybe people did it but Sam tried to avoid it. All he ever saw was how ugly and fat he was. It either made him work out more or eat less. Yes, he had body issues but so had everybody else.

Sam looked around. Nobody was in his room and he hoped that would stay like that. He got up, took off his clothes except his boxer shorts and then dared to look into the mirror.

Okay. He was a boy. A boy who had some wobbly flabs on his belly. Sam poked into them. Shit, he shouldn't have done this. He didn't like his body. Who would ever want to see him like that? Or touch him? Or even more, love him? Nobody ever, that's who.

Some girls had but that was long gone. He had probably changed since then. Or they had been blind, who knew.

Sam looked himself into the eyes. What did he like about himself? His hair? It wasn't even real, he had lightened it up with lemon juice. His eyes? Boring. His mouth, well, let's not talk about it. Why did he have to be the only boy with big fat lips like that?

He thought of his positive goal list. How he wanted – and needed – people to support him. Maybe other people would see better things in him. Like… Blaine once had said he would love Sam even with seven percent body fat. Seven percent! Judging by his belly Sam was close to that now. He went to get his phone, dialled the number and got back in front of the mirror.

"Yeah?"

"Blaine? Uhm…"

Maybe he should have thought it through. He couldn't just ask Blaine for compliments. Well yeah, he was gay but he wasn't there to lighten up Sam's spirits whenever he needed it.

"Is something going on, Sam?"

"It's just… I look at myself and I hate my body."

"Oh. Well, don't. You –"

"I think I'm at ten percent body fat now. Or twenty, actually. How much is morbid?"

"The last time I saw you, you were perfectly fine, Sam."

"This isn't even how I should do it. I should be alone in this", Sam realised. "Damn, why did I call you. It's like I can't be on my own. I'm so depended on people."

"Stop it, Sam. It's okay to ask others for help. Do you want me to come over and comfort you?"

"I…" Sam looked at his flabs and felt like he should be alone. Forever. He didn't deserve comfort, he hadn't earned it. He wasn't perfect.

"I'm coming over", Blaine said.

"No."

"Yes."

Sam shrugged. When he couldn't keep Blaine away… well, at least he had tried.

For fifteen or twenty minutes he just sat on his bed and stared at himself in the mirror. Finally the doorbell rang. Sam still didn't move and after another minute Blaine poked his head in.

"Are you decent – no, you're not", he said. "Should I even ask?"

"Huh?" Sam released his gaze and slowly turned his head, looking at Blaine who closed the door and came nearer.

"It's the spirit", Sam explained. "He… oh, he's mean. Wait, he said something about not judging but I can't stop. I mean… look at me."

"What about you?"

Blaine sat on the edge of the bed and raised his eyebrows.

"Here, and here…" Sam poked his fingers into his fatty tissue.

Blaine scoffed. He actually scoffed. Sam turned away and grabbed his shirt. Even Blaine laughed about him so something had to be seriously wrong. From now on Sam would only consume fruits and vegetables. And run every morning. Twice as much.

"Sam. Not that I'm trying to keep you from getting dressed but… your body is perfect. Look at it through loving eyes."

Sam put the shirt down again and turned to his friend, disbelievingly frowning. "Loving eyes?"

"I mean even through unloving eyes you'd be perfect since this is how every man wants to look. But is that really the scale you want to be judged by?"

"I… I'm just trying to be good enough."

"Do you think I'm good enough?"

"Of course. You're more than that. You're, well, I don't know what perfect means but I don't see any flaws on you."

"You've seen me shirtless, right?"

"Yeah, so?"

"I don't have very defined abs, Sam. I'm not –"

"Blaine, shut up. Don't talk yourself down."

Blaine raised his eyebrows. And yes, Sam saw where this was going. Alright, so maybe it was a matter of perspective. Maybe he was good enough for some people. Even with more weight. (That he still didn't want to gain.)

"Why did the spirit ask you to do this?" Blaine wanted to know.

"Something about nature and aliens. Blaine, I need to write in my dia- in my journal now. I hope you don't mind."

"Do you want me to go?"

"No, just sit there and be quiet." Sam pulled his shirt over his head, got up and sat down on his desk, pulling his notebook closer. He glanced at Blaine but he was busy with his phone. It was weird thinking of private and intimate things when somebody was in his room. Sam was used to being focused on others. But that probably was something he had to work on, too.

'Body experience: not so good, I'm judging myself. Best friend said I'm okay. Ex-girlfriends never complained. Maybe other people are seeing something I don't? bf said loving eyes. Can't do that to myself, will practise with him.'

Sam put the pen down and massaged his temples. He actually was doing what G.S.W. had wanted him to. Why? He still wasn't gay. Though this body stuff did kind of apply to him anyway.

Sam turned around in his chair.

"Blaine? What else don't you like about yourself?"

"Uhm." Blaine put his phone away and sat up. "I'm very hairy."

"What's wrong with that?"

"I could ask you the same. You shave your chest."

"Hm… that's…" Sam rubbed over his chest.

"Different?"

Sam shrugged. Why did he do it? Because it was the thing to do.

"But you do, too. So it's okay, right?" Sam asked.

"It's not only my chest. My arms and legs and…"

"Did anybody ever complain?"

Blaine shrugged.

"I never noticed", Sam said.

"Of course you didn't. People mostly look at what's wrong with themselves."

Sam chewed on his lip. "But it's not wrong."

"And don't get me going about the hair on my head." Blaine sighed and drove a hand over his head.

"Oh my God, do I sound as whiny as you? I will never complain again."

"Hey!" Blaine grasped a pillow and threw it at Sam. He caught it and jumped at the bed, banging it against Blaine's shoulder. Blaine laughed and tried to fend Sam by pushing him away. But since he was a tiny little boy it didn't accomplish anything. Sam let go of the pillow and went over to tickling Blaine. The other let himself fall back and didn't even try to escape.

"Oh come on, this is so turning you on", Sam said.

"It's not", Blaine gasped.

"It is. Uh, Blaine…" Sam stopped the tickling and pushed his hands under Blaine's shirt. Yeah okay, maybe partly it was because he wanted to see what Blaine had talked about. Sam had never really watched him but in his mind Blaine had normal abs just like him. Now his hands drove over a soft, round little tummy. Odd enough he didn't think it was bad. It was nice.

"You wouldn't even know what to do with a boy, Sam Evans."

"Yeah? You think so? Because, I have to inform you, I'm a boy too. I know how it works."

He pulled back one of his hands and groped Blaine's balls. Alright. Maybe he should stop now. But the way Blaine drew in air was too good.

"I will sue you for sexual assault", Blaine said, pulling Sam's hand back.

"Uhuh. You haven't gotten any for God knows how long, you would never throw me out of your bed."

Sam laughed and let himself fall down next to Blaine, catching his breath. Poor Blaine, he had to endure so much with Sam.

"That's true", Blaine gasped. He held his stomach and panted just like Sam. After a while they calmed down and Sam drove his hands through his hair.

"Man, look at us. So desperate. We should go out more and meet some people."

"Yeah? You'd want a girlfriend?"

"Mh… I don't know." Sam wondered what G.S.W. would think of all that. Talk about getting a girlfriend. G.S.W. wanted Sam to be gay. And, to be honest, that kiss with that dude in Kentucky had been, like, not bad.

"I once kissed a guy." Sometimes Sam just spilled out what was on his mind. He couldn't stop it. That wasn't always a good idea so he really had to learn to control it.

He dared to look at Blaine only a few seconds later. The black haired boy stayed serious.

"When?"

"Back in Kentucky, two years ago."

"And?"

Sam shrugged. "It was okay."

"Huh."

Blaine looked at the ceiling again and Sam did the same. He stroked over his shirt and felt his abs beneath it. He had never thought about it but was it really that great for sex if he was that muscular? Maybe girls liked it better when he was soft and cuddly.

"Blaine, uhm… I don't want pyjama parties though."

"Well, that's okay."

"I mean we could have a pyjama party if you want to but a manly one. Like, without getting my nails done."

Blaine moved his arm. He took Sam's hand and held it in front of his face.

"Nah, that won't do. You need a decent manicure."

"Shut up!" Sam pulled his hand back and poked against Blaine's nose. Blaine only laughed again and tugged on Sam's arm until he let it go. Blaine enclosed Sam's hand with both of his and rested them on his chest, warm and comfy.

"So you're kissing guys and I'm kissing girls. Looks like the universe has gone crazy."

"Who have you kissed?"

"Not recently, but I mean, back in the days… I once kissed Rachel."

"And?"

"It was okay."

"Are you bi?"

"No. Are you?"

"Maybe."

Blaine turned his head so Sam copied the gesture and caught Blaine's eyes.

"Really?" Blaine said after a while.

"I don't know. I mean it's not excluded. But please… don't tell anyone yet."

"Sam, I would never tell people stuff about you. You can trust me."

"And I do."

"Awww."

"That's what the spirit is all about."

"About trust?"

"No, about my possible bi leanings."

"Is it a gay spirit?" Blaine asked with a hushed, plotting voice.

"Yes! He calls himself Gay Spirit Warrior and he's an Indian. First I wanted to give him to you but he said I need him more."

"Sam, I need some Gay Spirit as well. Maybe we could share him."

"Oh yes, sure he's up for a threesome."

"Right?" Blaine laughed. He squeezed Sam's hand and inhaled deeply. "Ah, with you it never gets boring."

"I love you, too. But I'm still not done with my homework and it's already Saturday afternoon."

"Okay, okay. I'm gone." Blaine let go of Sam and stretched out his arms.

Sam rolled aside and got up, stretching his whole body. "Be gone with thee! Hey, what are we doing tonight?"

Blaine stood up and shrugged. "Do you want to go out?"

"Again? Remember, we're not adventurous. We're boring." Sam went to his desk and looked at his school book. Oh, how much fun that would be. Not.

"But there's a carnival in Lima and Artie and Tina are going."

"Are they dating?"

"How would I know?"

"You and Tina are besties. And they are doing everything together, always."

"I really don't know, Sam. Yes or no?"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever."

Blaine smiled and eventually left. With the goal to finish his homework today Sam sat down. Time to focus.


	3. Archetypes I

Chapter 3 - Archetypes

A few days later Sam wondered if G.S.W. had given up since he hadn't appeared again. It had gone that far that Sam actually was about to take a look into the book. He had just come home from school where he had noticed that one boy from his history class was, like, _hot_ and now he wanted to continue this gay courage program. Just to see where it would take him.

He also took a look into his journal. His most obvious need was people who supported him. Right now he had one person on the list but he could have more. Like his mother. Maybe Uncle Bert, too. (There were rumours about him in the family… and he never brought a girlfriend to official meetings.)

But how could he get those people on board when he didn't even know himself whether he was bi or just curious?

"Today we take a look at the archetypes that are inside of you."

Sam jumped up once again and complained about the sudden appearance of G.S.W.

"There are seven different archetypes", G.S.W. went on nonetheless. "The magical youngling, the holy hermaphrodite, the lover, the old wise one, the healer, the warrior and the explorer. We take a look at each one and you will get to know yourself better, get to know of how much more you are capable. It will enrich your life experience."

"Cool."

"Are you ready, young student?"

"Yes! It's like you are Yoda and I'm Luke, right? How cool is that? Will we work with the force, too?"

"Using force is never wise."

"No, I mean _the force_, you know, the magic that surrounds us all and creates and destroys stuff."

"You mean God?"

"Uh, no, uhm… I don't know." Sam frowned. This couldn't be the same. Man, how complicated. It actually gave him a headache so he shook his head. "Hey, let's start with the warrior stuff."

"We will start with the magical youngling."

G.S.W. went to the bed and sat on it, and somehow he got the book into his hands.

"Good! Cause, you know, that's what I am!" Sam rubbed his hands.

"Indeed. You seem to have a good connection to your inner child, your astonished inner being. Now take your diary and write a letter, tell him you will care for him and ask him what he wants from life."

G.S.W. became transparent while Sam stared at him.

"Writing letters to myself? Really?"

But G.S.W. was gone. Sam took out his journal and looked at an empty page. He wrote the date on it. And underlined it. Then he wrote the headline 'I'm magical'. And underlined it.

Oh God if anybody would ever read this journal… he would have to hide it. Really well.

"Uhm…." Sam clicked the pencil against the desk and glanced at his phone. Maybe somebody had written him and he had to answer right now? Like an emergency. He took his phone and checked it. Huh, no. Okay. Back to the letter.

This was so damn stupid, man!

"I'm doing this for G.S.W.", Sam told himself. "And no one is ever gonna read it. Now."

'Hi little dude, hi Sammy.'

OMG, stupid!

'How are you?'

Sam chewed on his lip. Well, it was silly but whatever. No one would ever know. So he might as well actually do it.

'Look, Sammy. I am here to take care of you. You will never be alone even when people don't like the way you are. I like it, I am happy about how you are. I am happy that you are alive and well. I love you and will always be there for you. You can trust me, and when you tell me your wishes I do my best to fulfil them.'

Sam stopped writing and puckered his lips. Damn, his eyes even teared up a bit. How come it was so touching to read it? It felt as if somebody was protecting him… but he had written it himself. This was weird. But it worked. Damn, G.S.W. was good.

Sam took a deep breath and smiled. Okay. Now what were his inner child's wishes?

He drew a dash on the paper and wrote 'play all day long'.

Play what? Sam looked around. Play video games? Cause he did that pretty often. He didn't feel like it now, though. He wondered where his auto models were. Damn, it had been years since he last saw them. And his Pokémon cards. The other boys in primary school had laughed at him for it. Too girly. But who cared?

* * *

><p>The next day Sam's mood was pretty good. He had spent the night before with his childhood toys and it had been fun. He didn't feel compelled to dive deeper into it but it had brought up some good memories.<p>

He went to his locker, opened it and looked for his Biology book.

"The holy hermaphrodite."

Sam was very proud that he didn't jerk up. He just threw G.S.W. a glance. He was standing upright and solid like a rock in the hall and ignored the fact that students were walking through him.

"So now you follow me to school?"

"This is the best ground to observe gender roles. Everybody has both males and female parts in them yet everybody lives out the side which society thinks appropriate for their gender. What do you see when you look at your fellow mates?"

Sam turned around, leaned against his locker and crossed his arms. Some people were rushing by, some were chatting at lockers. A usual morning in McKinley High.

"Well. The girls are giggling a lot. The boys are all serious, except when they make inappropriate jokes, what seems a little immature. Are girls more mature from birth on?" Sam asked.

"Who are you talking to?" Blaine appeared and opened his own locker.

"The spirit. He's here to teach me a lesson."

G.S.W. simply ignored Blaine like Blaine ignored him.

"I want you to get in contact with your inner woman", G.S.W. said. "And your inner man, too. It doesn't matter in what order you do it."

"Great, just great", Sam mumbled. Of course now G.S.W. had given him a task he disappeared. Sam stayed where he was and kept observing girls. They were nice to look at but being one of them? That was exactly what Sam didn't want. People would laugh at him. And not take him serious. And how should he even do it? Getting in contact with his 'inner woman'. What if he didn't have one?

Two Cheerio girls went by, holding hands. Sam knew them by sight, he knew they both had boyfriends and they weren't gay. Girls were holding hands all the time out of friendship. Why weren't guys allowed to? Double standards!

Okay, not that he wanted to hold hands with his bros. That would be weird. And silly. And people would think he was gay. Sam sighed. A task just like G.S.W. liked it, wasn't it?

"Are you ready?" Blaine asked. "When we're early we might get two seats together."

"Yeah, yeah." Sam closed his locker, shouldered his bag and then stopped for a moment, hit by a thought. In private, he and Blaine held hands very often. Just for the feeling of being was a friendly gesture. He didn't see any reason as to why they should hide their friendship.

Sam caught up with Blaine, took a deep breath and grasped his friend's hand. Now, that was behaving like a girl, there you go, G.S.W.

"Uhm, Sam?" Blaine looked at their joined hands.

"What?"

Blaine doubtingly returned his look. "Are you trying to tell me something?"

"Oh my God, even you! Why can't boys just hold hands as friends?"

"I…" Blaine frowned, then shrugged. "Guess that's a good question."

"Let's break the rules."

Blaine put on an amused face as they walked on. Sam ignored some looks people gave them. Someone whistled after them and Blaine tensed. But he didn't say anything or looked back like Sam did. It was a group of jocks, of course. They were laughing their asses of and one of them bend down his hand and touched his hair in a girly way.

Sam bit his lip. He wanted to punch them. Being gay, being affectionate with another man was not something to laugh at! Stupid, stupid guys!

"They will have a bleak and unhappy life", Sam informed Blaine, secretly squeezing his fingers.

"No. They will make much money, drive big cars and marry trophy women."

"And whoever said that would make them happy?"

Blaine was baffled for a moment, then he chuckled. "You're right. Sam Evans, you're so clever and wise."

"I'm not but thank you for thinking that."

They arrived at the class room but didn't enter yet, coming to a halt at the open door.

"You are", Blaine insisted. He completely turned to Sam and used his second hand to enclose Sam's. He liked to do that very much and Sam let him. It was a nice, warm feeling having his fingers sheathed by Blaine's skin.

"Okay, if you say so."

"Hey, remember. Look at yourself through loving eyes."

"I'm trying."

Eventually they went inside the classroom. While they were forced to sit still Sam thought about his process and how easy it had been to contact his inner woman. Because he had done that, right?

* * *

><p>"So when are you going to do it?"<p>

"Huh? Do what?" Sam asked while not taking his eyes from the screen. Blaine just wanted to distract him, that was how things were. He couldn't stand to lose Mario Cart.

"What?" Blaine said.

"Do what?"

"Get in contact with your inner woman."

Oh damn, it was G.S.W. Sam looked at him and his jaw dropped.

"What is today, stalk-Sam-day? I'm at my friend's, I'm relaxing!"

"Sam, what is going on?" Blaine asked.

"You call that relaxing?" G.S.W. frowned.

"Also, I don't know what you want. I held Blaine's hand today in school."

"Excuse me, what? Does the spirit tell you to do things with me?"

Sam looked at Blaine and shook his head. "He just wants me to get in contact with my inner woman."

"Exactly. So why are you not doing it? The best way would be to dress like a woman. Get into a skirt and high heels", G.S.W. said.

"Uhm… no." Sam said. "I will not do that."

"What?" Blaine asked.

"Dress up like a woman."

"Oh."

Sam narrowed his eyes and leaned a bit closer to Blaine. "Do I detect a blush there? Tell me right now what you are thinking of."

"It's just that…" Blaine licked over his lips and gazed at the screen. "Well. I might or might not have tried it once. Don't tell anybody."

"We're in Glee, we practically dress like women every other day."

"Then why are you refusing to?" Blaine met Sam's eyes and seemed to be really curious, not judgement there.

"I would but… No woman clothes around. Pity. And no, I will not wear the clothes of your mother."

"Uhm."

"What, Blaine, no!"

"I might have… okay, well I do have some that I bought especially for…"

"Sex with Kurt? Cause I won't wear that."

"It's not like… it's…" Blaine blushed even deeper and he constantly looked at his hands now. "They were taken off long before something happened. And I washed them."

"This is exactly what I was afraid of. Having pyjama parties just because we are gay pals. Not that I'm saying I'm gay. But you know what I mean. Geez!"

Sam got up and paced the room. No. Fucking. Way.

"They are really good quality, too. I bought it online and some were too big. They might fit you, though." Blaine got up, too, and went to his cupboard were he rummaged in.

"You are kidding, right?"

"If it makes it easier for you I can dress up, too."

"Good to know what your secret kink is."

"Sam, please. I'm helping you to discover yourself. Lock the door, would you?"

"Oh my freaking God." Sam went to the door and turned the key around. Well now he at least knew _why_ Blaine had a key on his door because in the Evans house there was no such thing, not even in the bathroom.

Who even was Blaine right now?

"I swear if it makes you hard I will scream", Sam said.

"You're not going to pull it off anyway."

"Dude, I will _rock_ the skirt. There is nothing that doesn't look good on my frickin' hot bod."

"Wow, someone's insecure."

Blaine put a box on the ground and took a step back in awe. Sam stared at it, too, but not from enthusiasm. Pure torture awaited him.

"Do you want me so start or…" Blaine asked.

Sam cleared his throat. "Sure, go on." He sat down on the ground and poked his finger against the box. Then he lifted the lid. Colourful textiles were looking back at him.

Blaine kneeled in front of it, put the lid away and took out a dress with flowers. He studied it and then met Sam's eyes.

"This is going to be embarrassing."

"This is going to be kept the deepest buried secret ever", Sam said.

"We have to swear on something to never talk about it to anybody else."

"I swear on my life."

"Okay." Blaine nodded. "Me, too. Now.

Despite his best intentions Sam's stomach started to tingle. He felt like a child who did something forbidden. Who tried something new and that was always fun. And nobody was ever going to know so what the heck.

He pulled out a thong and grinned. "Blaine? I think we start with your panties."

"I will regret it, I will so regret it", Blaine mumbled. He pulled his shirt over his head and threw it away. Then he stood up and fumbled with his belt. Sam directed his eyes at the box and took out several pieces of clothing while Blaine undressed himself.

"This is… oh man. Okay. Well", Blaine stuttered.

Sam lifted his eyes in amusement. "I thought you liked it."

"Shut up and cover your eyes." Blaine pulled on his boxer's band.

"Why? I've seen you a thousand times in the locker room."

"Yes, Sam, good idea, make this even more awkward."

Sam waggled his eyebrows. Before he could make more fun of it Blaine simply pushed down his boxers. Right. Sam turned his head away and looked at the floor. Out of the corner of his eyes he saw Blaine putting on the red thong.

"It actually was Couch Sylvester who gave that to me", Blaine said. "You can look now."

"The Coach… but… why?" Sam rested his eyes on the thing. It was so weird that Blaine wore it. His package was stuffed in, which looked pretty uncomfortable, and the waistband cut a line into his skin.

Blaine pulled the dress over his head and went to stand in front of the mirror. He moved and did poses. Sam took up a skirt and a tank top. Well. Get it over with.

He jumped up and undressed to his underwear. Then he did a body roll to show himself how great he was at it. He knew how to do that. How to move like a man. But then he put on the girl's clothes and everything was weird and silly. Was he a girl now… or just gay?

"Are you okay?" Blaine chuckled.

"No. I'm freaking out."

Blaine put his hands on his hips and rotated them, grinning at himself in the mirror. Well, good for Blaine that he liked it. Sam carefully went to the mirror and observed his image. Ugh.

"Dance with me, Sammy!" Blaine took Sam's hand and dragged him closer, held up their hands and swirled around. Man. This was so stupid.

"Did you and Kurt seriously…"

"Don't think about it. Just feel the groove, oh, wait, of course! We need music!"

Blaine bounced to his music player and Sam quickly moved away from the mirror. He checked that the door was really locked. Then he held his ear to it to listen if anybody was out there. Blaine's parents were boring and never upstairs and he didn't have any siblings who lived here so it was pretty safe.

Queen's happy song 'You're my best friend' started to play and Sam shook his head. This was so blackmailing! Using their friendship to get him to do silly things.

But okay. For Blaine then.

Sam went back to his best friend and dance a bit. He still felt like a man. Though it was funny to make his skirt swing. He did it a few times, then twirled around and had to laugh. Yeah okay, it wasn't _that_ bad.


	4. Archetypes II

So guys I'm messing with canon here a bit. I mentioned that 'Naked' had already happened but now we're in Sadie-Hawkins-waters. And, as you might have noticed, Sam doesn't know a damn about Blaine's crush on him and other things will get messed up to but who cares, right?

Well… let's get the Blam rolling! (More or less.)

**Chapter 4 - Archetypes II**

After a while Sam stopped twirling. Blaine was still on it and he was enjoying himself. It gave Sam an idea. He went to his clothes and changed back. He was wearing jeans and a flannel shirt now, that was manly enough, right? Because now was time for his 'inner man'.

"Daaarling! Let's dance!" Sam went to Blaine in his flowery dress and offered him his hand. Blaine took it and placed his other hand on Sam's waist, moving closer. Sam put his hand on Blaine's shoulder and they started dancing.

"_I can show you the world_", Sam sang despite the song in the radio being a pop song.

"So that's your idea of being a man? Singing Disney songs?" Blaine laughed.

"Hey! I'm singing the male part, okay? And now I need to try something."

Sam put both his hands on Blaine's waist, lifted him up and twirled them around. For exactly one round. Then Blaine got to heavy and Sam had to put him on the ground again. The whole time his best friend giggled, it really was as if he was a girl.

"Oh Sam!" Blaine sighed, hung his arms around Sam's neck and rested his head on Sam's shoulder. Sam tightened his grip around the other boy and pressed him against his body. He was nice and warm and good smelling. In that position they moved around for a while, slow dancing to a fast song. After a minute the song ended though and a slower one started.

"Hmmm… we should go to prom together", Blaine mumbled.

"Are you asking me out?"

"Only if you say yes."

Sam turned his head and grazed Blaine's hair with his nose. Then he moved further and pressed his lips against the other's cheek. Blaine reacted by turning his head, too, and Sam ended up kissing his nose. Sam didn't feel like laughing, though. Blaine's eyes looked so different to before. Sam didn't know why, he just knew he couldn't look away.

Eventually Blaine broke the gaze, cleared his throat and freed himself from Sam's touch.

"You know what, forget it. It was a silly idea."

"Huh?" Sam didn't know what Blaine was talking about but when the other walked to his cupboard and Sam's brain started to work again he remembered the question. But prom wasn't until next month. Surely they would try to get real dates before resolving to a platonic date, right?

Somehow Sam didn't dare to say that. He knew Blaine hadn't meant it serious but… what if he had? If he secretly was in love with Sam since day one? Or something like that?

"Well, uh…" Sam scratched his neck. "Since it's Sadie Hawkins and you wore a dress while you asked me… that gotta count, right?"

Damn, should he say yes just to not break Blaine's heart? But it wasn't like Sam had anyone on his mind, anyway.

"No, Sam, forget it. I didn't think before I talked."

"Oh."

Blaine got into his pants while still wearing the dress. He was tugging it up the next moment so Sam turned around and went to sit on the bed. For some reason his heart was pounding.

"Also, only last week I promised Tina to go with her."

"Dude, what?" In his shock Sam turned around without checking if Blaine was decent. He was, though, and shrugged.

"Remember, she asked me out with a song."

"A weird, inappropriate song that you answered with a big, fat no. What about her and Artie?"

"I don't know."

"So why did you change your mind? I mean… it's Tina. You're not in love with her, right?"

"No, Sam, I am not. We're going as friends because I figured I can't go with someone I'm interested in anyway." Blaine gathered the scattered clothes together.

"Why not? You could. And if anybody will try to bully you or something your Glee friends will protect you."

"It's not about the bullying thing, not primarily."

Sam exhaled and shook his head. "Well, if you're going with Tina then I'll have to go with Artie."

"What kind of logic is that?"

"The logic of the wrong couples going together to prom."

Blaine stuffed the box into his cupboard, closed it and stretched his arms.

"I don't know. Tina asked me out so maybe she doesn't like Artie that way."

"But he likes her. I mean I asked Artie who he thought Tina was asking out with her song and he said Unique and was totally sad about that!"

"What? Unique…?" Blaine sat down on his desk chair.

"Doesn't matter now! The point is you are cockblocking true love, Blaine."

"Uh… I don't know about that." Blaine shook his head. "I'm doing her a favour."

"Wow, yeah, that's a good reason to agree to a date."

Sam bit his lip. Just a few minutes ago he had been about to do the same. But that was different. He and Blaine were besties. Okay, Blaine liked Tina pretty much, too. But not as much as Sam, pretty sure! Also Blaine and Sam were connected by the power of the bro-love.

"Sam, I think you should go home and see if the gay spirit wants to talk to you."

"You know, I don't have a date, too."

"I'm sure soon a girl will ask you out."

"Or a boy."

"What?" Blaine blushed.

"A boy could ask me as well, right? Since I'm bi now and everything. Yeah, actually I think I _want_ to go with a boy. To make new experiences. Yeah, I will ask out Artie."

"Oh my God, Sam, stop being so melodramatic!"

"What, you don't believe me?"

"Not a word."

"Well, watch me." Sam got up and went to the door. When he was there he turned around but Blaine was just sitting there, looking way too amused.

Well. He would soon see that Sam was serious.

* * *

><p>"The lover."<p>

"Hi G.S.W. Everything chilly?"

G.S.W. didn't even listen. He walked to Sam's desk that Sam was sitting on to do some homework. (Unfortunately the teachers gave him more and more so he was never really done.)

"I want you to write into your diary what you like about yourself. Because whomever you chose as a lover will only reflect to you what you already have. No other person in the world will make you whole. So look into yourself to appreciate your good characteristics and forgive yourself your bad ones."

"Hm… now?" Sam drew a line on his math paper. "Can I ask you for personal advice?"

"I'm doing nothing else. Go on." G.S.W. sat down on the floor and crossed his legs. Sam turned his chair around and took a deep breath.

"Okay, well, look. I need to ask a boy out to prom. The problem about that is that we're bros and he's like straight and will think I'm insane and also I'm not really interested in him, not in the slightest. It's just to prove a point to Blaine."

"Can't you prove the point by talking?"

"No. I tried but Blaine is very stubborn. And too good for this world, you know, gentle-hearted and all. It's stupid, really."

"I don't know what this is about but it seems wisest to me when you and Blaine would talk it out."

Sam drew in air. "Man, are you even listening to me? It's…" He stopped and his jaw dropped as he got the best insight ever. Of course! He just had to made Tina drew back her invitation for Blaine and go for Artie! Nothing easier than that, right?

"Okay! Hey, thanks for the help! Now I can do the list." Sam turned to the desk and took his journal out of a drawer. When he looked over his shoulder he saw that G.S.W. was gone again.

Well. What did he like about himself?

'I am…'

Sam stared at the page. He was…?

'Well I'm nice. I guess.'

Sam pulled a face. It felt weird to write good things about himself. Was that even allowed? Self-praise is disgrace and so on.

'I am funny. I am hot (others think so, so it must be true). I'm adorable?'

Wow, was Sam really all of that? Because that wouldn't be too bad, right?

But he needed confirmation. Of course he couldn't ask Blaine because Blaine would feel obligated to exaggerate all the good things of Sam. He needed an honest opinion.

* * *

><p>Turned out getting an honest opinion wasn't easy.<p>

Yeah okay, Sam hadn't asked anyone yet. But people would laugh at him when they knew he wrote a list about the good things of himself!

And he still needed to talk to Tina, too. Since they had Biology together without Blaine it was a perfect opportunity. Sam just hoped Tina wouldn't realise something was going on since Sam never hang out with her without Blaine. But oh well.

"Hey so… you and Artie, huh?" Sam said by the by as he took the place next to her.

"What about me and Artie?"

"Well, love. Kissy kissy. And stuff. Congrats, man."

Tina narrowed her eyes at Sam. "I have a crush on somebody else and you know it. In fact the whole Glee club knows it and thinks I got rejected though that's not true. Blaine said yes! Didn't he tell you? I guess he wants to keep quiet about it until we're surer."

"What should you be sure about? That he's gay? Because he is."

Tina rolled her eyes, shook her head and turned to the girl sitting on her other side.

Sam puckered his lips. That wasn't how he had planned it.

"So, Artie seemed pretty sad that you didn't sing to him", he said loud enough to make Tina hear it.

Bingo! She turned around again. "He did?"

Sam nodded strongly but unfortunately Tina squared her shoulders.

"Well, his loss." And with that she turned around again.

No! Man! Sam didn't want to go to prom with Artie! He only had one option left now. Artie would have to woo Tina.

* * *

><p>"What? No. This is long over."<p>

"But…" Sam quickly followed Artie who just kept rolling. "You were so sad when she didn't sing to you."

"That was pure melancholy."

"I don't believe that. You seemed actually depressed."

Artie stopped his chair and finally looked up at Sam. "Really?"

Oh, how easy it was to manipulate people! (This wouldn't come on his list, though.)

"Yes. Totally."

"Oh. Hm. I guess I felt a bit sad. But still, it's over. She's in love with Blaine now."

Sam gave a deep sigh of frustration. "But that won't lead her anywhere, will it? And it's probably just distraction from you, anyway."

"Sam. It is lady's choice and the lady made her choice."

"Has anybody else asked you yet?"

"No." Artie started rolling again. Sam cleared his throat, gathered together his courage and followed him.

"Well, how about… uhm. How about we go together then? As friends. Only as friends."

Artie sent him a disbelieving look. "Have you lost your mind?"

"Probably, yeah." Sam sighed again and stared at black board. He _had_ lost his mind. He was seeing ghosts, writing a diary, slow dancing with Blaine and tried to be cupid. Maybe he had fallen into a coma and was dreaming right now.

"Is there a girl you want to be asked out by?" Artie asked as he reached his locker and opened it. Sam leaned against the next one and shrugged.

"Not a girl but… well. Blaine asked me."

Artie stopped in his tracks and slowly turned to Sam, his eyes questioning everything.

"He did", Sam affirmed. "Just then he remembered Tina and pulled back."

"And… now you want me to go with her so you can go with Blaine?"

"Uh…" Sam scratched his head. Was it like that?

"Oh wow. Wow." Artie shook his head and stared into his locker. "I… wow. Really?"

Sam couldn't even answer (and tell Artie it was _not_ like that) because the other spoke on immediately.

"Well, in that case I mercifully offer my help and will sing to Tina. It can't hurt to rekindle the bright burning flame of our love."

"Oh?" Sam couldn't believe what he was hearing. Suddenly it was that easy?

"So, Kurt is out of the picture for good?" Artie asked as he took a book from his locker.

"I don't know. We haven't talked about him in a while." Sam shrugged.

"Just so you know, I'd be glad for you if it worked out. Blaine seems to be good for you and the other way around, too."

"Yeah, obviously", Sam said, frowning. Artie smiled, nodded and rolled away. That had been a bit weird. If what worked out?

* * *

><p>The next time they had Glee Sam actually came early and then waited with impatient waggling feet for the lesson to start. People came in and took seats but Sam didn't notice anything. He was observing the door until Artie rolled in. What song had he chosen to sing to Tina?<p>

Artie came to Sam and spoke quietly. "Sam, I think we should sing together. It's not too awkward then. I mean we want people who already have a date so we should make it clear that they both won't end up alone and their separation is only for the best."

Sam crackled his fingers. There was that talk about him going with Blaine to prom again. But to be fair… when Sam managed to get Artie and Tina together Blaine would end up alone. That wasn't right. And Sam had wanted to accept his offer anyway. And what did it matter to Blaine whether he went out with a female or male platonic friend, right?

Sam nodded. "So… what song?"

"I was thinking a mash-up with '_Boys_' from Brittany Spears and '_If I was your boyfriend_' from Justin Bieber."

"Oh! The Bieber! Man, do you remember –"

"Yes, I remember, Sam. Please don't bring back your one man band."

"In the end we were a four man band. You were in it, too!" Sam pointed at Artie. Artie pushed down Sam's hand and looked at him seriously.

"Are you in?"

"I'm always in when it's about Justin."

"I was counting on that. Mr Schue!" Artie rolled towards the door where their teacher had just entered. Sam turned his head and searched for Blaine. The black haired boy was sitting one row behind him and returned Sam's look after a moment. Sam smiled but then Artie called him. As Sam got up and placed himself next to his friend, making eye contact with Blaine again, a realisation hit him.

He would sing '_If I was your boyfriend_' to Blaine, asking him out on a date. That could be understood as… well… gay. People would think he really meant it. It was like the outing he wasn't even ready for. Because, damn it, he still didn't know whether he was bi or just curious!

Then again, this was Glee club and everybody was gay.

"Hit it!" Artie screamed. The piano man started to play. Sam had no more time to think and just focused on performing. As it became clear that he sang to Blaine the mentioned boy got a blush that didn't leave him for the rest of the performance.

It was kind of funny, actually.

When Sam and Artie did their final pose people applauded. Only Tina sat there with her arms crossed and totally unaffected. Blaine on the other hand put his hands to his mouth and looked as if he was about to cry. Was that good or bad?

"We know that Sadie Hawkins means the girl asks the boy out", Artie explained, "but in our case things are a little different. Tina, if you think back to all your lovers, who did you have the best time with? I wondered whether maybe you would want to give us another try."

Artie nodded to show he had finished and looked at Sam. Did Sam have to say something now, too?

"Uhm." Sam rubbed his nose. "And Blaine, I just think it's unfair that you have to hide who you are and, uh, go to prom with a girl. That's not you and you know it. So yeah, uhm, maybe we could go together? If you want to."

"This is not fair", Tina said. "Mr Schue, you can't allow people to ask out someone who is already taken."

"Tina", Blaine said soothingly.

"No! You promised me!"

"Uhm, what about me?" Artie asked. Tina shot him a furious look.

"Tina, please." Blaine said somewhat quieter, almost a bit whiny and the Asian girl sighed and rolled her eyes.

"I am _so_ going to regret this."

Artie crossed his arms and looked a bit sceptical (Sam could totally understand this since Tina sounded as if she was doing everybody a favour) while Blaine's eyes spoke of hope.

"Whatever. Go with your beloved Sam."

"So what about me?" Artie asked.

"Thank you, Tina, thank you so much! I owe you!" Blaine jumped up and hurried downstairs to Sam, took his hand and pressed a kiss to his cheek. Oh, someone was really grateful. Yeah, Sam wouldn't have wanted to go to prom with Tina, either. He squeezed Blaine's hand and returned his bright grin.


	5. Archetypes III

Thank you gleeville and Jade Paton! It's always nice to get some feedback! :-)

**Chapter 5**

Sam had neglected G.S.W., he admitted it. But well, he had been on a mission. Now he had time to finish his list. And from his success yesterday he felt pretty good about himself.

'I'm charming, I can sing and dance, I can get the boy I want.'

Oh yeah.

"The old wise man."

Sam jerked up. "What? I'm not finished with loving myself!"

"I think you know what it is about now. Moving on!" G.S.W. held up the book. Sam didn't even know where he got it from. He probably took it home to the realm of ghosts or something like that.

Sam turned around in his chair and sighed. "Well, okay. Give me another lecture."

"Old people are wise and can give you much advice but in today's society age is frowned upon while youth is everything. It doesn't have to be that way. An old wise person is living inside of you right now. I want you to write a letter to him, asking everything you need advice about. And then write his answer to you."

"Man, what's up with all that writing?"

"It's only for your own good." G.S.W. started to vanish. Sam sighed and turned to his desk. He was glad that he had continued his list today so he didn't need to start with those letters already. Blaine was coming over, anyway.

Blaine, who somehow thought he had to continue showing his gratitude for Sam freeing him from Tina by kissing him on the cheek. It was weird and new but it also was soft and warm and Sam didn't know why they shouldn't kiss each other in a bro way.

So when Blaine came in, Sam hugged him and then placed a big fat smack on his cheek. Blaine giggled.

"I still can't believe you asked me out", he said.

"As if I would let you rot away in Tina's company, come on!"

They went into the room, Blaine holding on to Sam's hand. Yeah, that had increased a lot, too.

"What are we doing today? Can we just lie here and cuddle?" Blaine asked. He pulled Sam to the bed and Sam let himself be dragged onto the mattress.

"Sure. Whatever you want. Although, do you really don't want any movie on?"

"No, I just want to look at you."

"Oh. Okay." Sam shrugged and lay down. Blaine immediately wound his arms around Sam, entwined their legs and pressed his face against Sam's chest, inhaling deeply. Sam didn't know what was happening. This was intense, man. Blaine's scent was all around him, enclosing him in a soft bubble. Blaine's body heat was warming up Sam's whole body, and Sam felt his breathing so close as if they shared a lung. Or something like that. He put his hands on Blaine's shoulder blades and closed his eyes, nose and mouth hidden in black curls.

The intimacy of lying like that was heavy and strong. It was good but also weird because wow, they were close. Sam's breathing calmed down. Nothing would happen, he was safe. He let one of his hands wander down and caressed Blaine's back. The other boy gave a content sigh and urged even closer.

After a few minutes Sam opened his eyes, changed his head position and looked at his desk. He could so sleep right now. Really, Blaine should stay at night until Sam was passed out because how awesome would it feel to fall asleep like this?

Blaine moaned deeply. "Oh Sam." He moved his face up and looked at Sam, who returned the look. Blaine's eyes were like warm ice cream. Vanilla and caramel. With brittle.

"Should we talk about it?" Blaine whispered.

Sam blinked a few times to focus on the words. Why would they talk about cuddling? They've done it before. Not that intimate but… things tended to intensify, right?

"No. I'm good. Aren't you?" Sam asked.

"I'm more than good. I feel like I'm in heaven", Blaine said.

"Yeah… my cuddles are great. That goes on my list pronto."

"What list?"

"Oh, right, I haven't told you yet. G.S.W. wanted me to make a list about things I like about myself, that are good about me, you know? I think I got it."

"I could probably add a few things", Blaine said.

Sam didn't need another invitation. He freed himself from Blaine and went to the desk, taking up a pen.

"Well, okay. Until now I have: Nice, funny, hot, adorable, charming, can sing and dance, and get the boy I want. Uh, the latter wasn't really, uh… you know." Sam scratched his head with the pen. "It was about prom."

"I figured that much", Blaine chuckled. He propped himself on his elbows. "You forgot goodhearted, kind, special, best friend ever, intelligent, empathetic…"

"Woah, not that fast." Sam quickly wrote down all the characteristics. It was okay to cheat and ask someone else since it wasn't the most recent task anyway.

"Intelligent?" Sam asked with a frown.

"Yes, Sam, you are intelligent."

"Well, if you say so…" Sam stretched his arms. What questions did he have for his inner old wise guy?

"So, uhm… Do you think much will change now?" Blaine asked.

"Huh?" Sam put down his pen (he could write the letter later) and turned around with his chair. Blaine looked at him seriously worried so Sam already searched for soothing words.

"Nothing is going to change", he said.

"Nothing?" Blaine pouted. "I guess at least a bit will."

"Well, if you look at it that way things are always changing. But then again they will stay the same. Know what I mean?" Blaine had been right. Sam _was_ intelligent. Although he wasn't really sure what this conversation was about.

"I… guess." Blaine frowned but he smoothed his face pretty quickly. "Are you going to stay over there all night long?"

"Uh… why?"

Did Blaine really want to cuddle again? They could do other things like playing video games! That was much more interesting, right?

Blaine did his puppy-eyes face so Sam crossed his arms.

"I'm… this is… like… I don't know. A bit too much, don't you think?" he said.

"Oh." Blaine bit his lip. "Sure. Yeah. Sorry. If I'm going too fast, Sam, always tell me." He sat up and rubbed over his face.

"Going too fast?"

"Yeah." Blaine shrugged.

"Going too fast where?"

Blaine stopped his movements and stared at Sam. Sam returned the look, waiting for an answer.

"What?" Blaine's jaw dropped. "You… did you…"

Sam was still waiting for an answer when the black haired boy threw his hands to his face and let himself fall back on the bed.

"Oh shit! I'm the biggest idiot ever!"

"What? Why? No, you're not", Sam said.

"Fuck. Shit."

"Stop that, stop cursing, man! That's not you!"

Blaine jumped up from the bed. "It's me when I screwed up. I'm sorry, Sam. I… I have to go."

"What is going on, Blaine? I don't understand."

"Never mind, Sam, never… I… Shit." Blaine hurried out of the room. Sam jumped up and followed his friend downstairs but he didn't catch him and only saw Blaine's car driving away.

From all the weird stuff going today this was the weirdest.

* * *

><p>The next day Sam had a lot of questions for Inner Wise Guy. He sat down on his desk once again, got out a pen and started writing.<p>

'So hey, man, what's up? Look. My best friend is behaving weird. Yesterday he stormed out of my room without any kind of explanation and today in school he avoided me. He only returned my greeting in the morning without looking at me and then didn't talk to me for the rest of the day. Only once, to assure me I haven't done anything wrong. But I must have! What else should be going on, right?'

Sam chewed on his lower lip. How was he supposed to write the answer now? He didn't know anything, he had never been as clueless in his whole life!

'Hey Sam.'

Sam took a deep breath. And now? All he had in his mind was his own reproaches.

'You are right, you must have done something and Blaine is too nice to charge you. Probably thinks it's his own fault. So think back to the moment before he freaked out. What have you done or said?'

Sam put down his pen and tapped his feet against the ground. What had they talked about? It was… wasn't it like… yeah, Sam had not wanted to cuddle more. But why would Blaine freak out about that?

He wouldn't. He had said it was okay and Sam should always tell him when it was too much.

This was a dead end. There really was no reason for Blaine to freak out. It must have been something what he had thought about in that moment.

* * *

><p>"Whatever it is, you can tell me. We can work it out. We <em>should<em> work it out", Sam said the next morning after he had waited half an hour in front of Blaine's locker and the boy finally arrived.

Blaine just sighed. "Oh Sam, I'm sorry. I was… in a bad mood."

"In a bad mood." Sam frowned. "And what put you there?"

"My own stupidity. Listen, I want to officially apologize to you. We can go to the movies and I pay, okay?"

Sam deepened his frown. "Are you trying to buy my silence?"

"I pay for the popcorn and nachos, too. Whatever you want."

"But…"

"Ice cream. Pizza. We sit in the last row, throw popcorn at other people and pretend as if we don't see anything apart from the movie when they turn around."

Sam cursed under his breath. Damn you, Anderson. Blaine always said Sam should behave in the cinema. And now he offered to be silly with him. That… that… but…

Well, maybe Blaine's former bad mood had arisen from a night mare. Totally without a good reason. So why should Sam worry about it, right?

Sam couldn't help that grin that spread on his face, it was like it had a will of its own. And once there it sprang over at Blaine's face, too.

* * *

><p>"The inner healer. Everybody has one and you will be delighted to hear that today's task is not to write a letter", G.S.W. said.<p>

Sam lay on his bed and threw a tennis ball into the air just to catch it again.

"What is it, then?"

"You go and visit him."

Sam frowned at the ceiling. He put away the ball and sat up. "How?"

"In your mind, of course. Close your eyes and visualize how you meet him. You can ask him whatever you want, like questions about health or your body or your life. Then be quiet and listen to him."

"Sure. Whatever."

G.S.W. vanished. Sam glided back on his bed to lean against the head piece and closed his eyes. His hands found the ball and he kneaded it while he tried to make up an inner picture.

Unfortunately, it wasn't easy. Mostly he saw Blaine. Their Friday night in the theatre had been so much fun and Sam had expected they'd go and do stuff at his or Blaine's (because well, it had been Friday and they always stayed up late!) but Blaine had wanted to go home. Alone. And until now he hadn't even answered Sam's text in that he asked if they would see each other today or tomorrow. Something was still going on.

"Why is Blaine pulling back?" Sam whispered. "I mean he still likes me, right?"

_Maybe he likes you too much._

Sam opened his eyes and looked around. Had G.S.W. said that or was it a voice inside of Sam's head? And if so… was he going crazy?

Sam closed his eyes again, squeezed the ball and cleared his throat.

"What do you mean '_likes me_ _too much'_? There is no such thing."

_Every friendship has its limits._

"Uhu… what?"

_There is a thin line between friendship and passion._

Sam sighed. So his inner healer (shouldn't he heal the situation?) liked to talk in riddles.

"Does that mean you think Blaine's in love with me?"

_Duh._

Sam scoffed. "We can't just make up stuff."

_Trust your inner guidance and see the truth._

Sam moaned and opened his eyes. This was bullshit.

Apart from the fact that Blaine had behaved very intimately for one day after Sam had asked him out as if he thought prom would be a real date. And then he must've realised… but no. Sam just imagined it to be like that. He couldn't trust his fantasies. Blaine would laugh about it. _Laugh_.


	6. Archetypes IV

Thank you, Benjamin Franklin. So how does time travel work? Are you happy with what you see these days?

**Chapter 6**

"So, uhm… do you love me? For real? With kisses and stuff?"

Sam looked very seriously at his mirror image. Then he held up a Blaine mask (he had printed out a photo and cut out his friend's face) and talked in Blaine's voice.

"Why, yes, Sam, I'm so glad you ask me. I couldn't bear to hold my feelings inside any longer. Come oooon, kiss me." Sam made kissing noises.

Typically enough, in that moment the door opened and Blaine came in. Sam jerked around and hid the Blaine mask behind his back.

Blaine frowned and looked into the mirror.

"What is that?"

"What do you mean?"

"The huge picture of my face you're hiding behind your back."

"Oh. That. Uhm." Sam took his hands to the front and looked at the mask. Yeah, how to explain that?

"You once made a puppet of Kurt!" Sam defended himself.

Blaine crossed his arms. "Because I missed him. And because I had been drugged by a gas leak."

"Okay, Blaine, look… It's… G.S.W. wants me to…"

Yes, good, blame the spirit.

"Get into the mind of someone who is gay so that you have a role model?" Blaine asked.

"Yes! Yes, exactly that!" Sam pointed at Blaine. "Wow, it's like you can see him, too."

"And?"

Blaine moved to Sam and took the mask from him.

"It's, uh, cool. I'm thinking like you now. In fact I think we need to go bowtie shopping."

Blaine laughed and nudged Sam.

"Bowties are cool!" he said.

"That's what I'm saying!"

Sam didn't know why but he started to unbind the red bowtie with green dots that Blaine was wearing. When he was ready and looked at Blaine's face and his red cheeks he knew it was true. Blaine so loved him. Probably.

Sam turned to the mirror and put the things around his collar. He had tried to bind a bowtie a few times in his life. He had failed each time. He wasn't good in remembering unimportant things, okay?

"Let me help you, Blaine Number Two."

Of course Blaine was perfect in that task. He got it after thirty seconds and proudly tugged on it.

"Now, look at you. It suits you well."

"You'd say that to anybody wearing a bowtie", Sam laughed.

"That's not true. Well, maybe it is but I mean it. You look good."

"Thanks."

Sam slowly leaned closer, and for a moment Blaine froze. But Sam didn't aim for his lips, he pressed his mouth against Blaine's cheek. The other boy's scent surrounded him once again and made him want to move even closer.

But Blaine leaned back. "Don't."

"Why not? You started it, remember?"

Blaine went to the bed and took a book lying there.

"Or did you start it for a reason and now the reason is gone?" Sam asked.

"What are you talking about, Sam?"

"Nothing", Sam mumbled. He sat down next to Blaine and stared at the ground. It wasn't easy, asking your best friend if he loved you.

"So, have you read this book?" Blaine asked as he browsed through one. Sam lifted the cover to look at it. Gay spirit warrior.

"Uh, not really. G.S.W. tells me what to do."

"And you listen to him, just like that?"

"Hm… yeah?"

Blaine shook his head. "Sam, Sam, Sam. What if he tells you to go out and get some?"

"Well, then I go out and get some." Sam said although he was pretty sure he would _not_ do that.

"From a drag queen?"

"If she looks like you in that flowery dress."

Blaine blushed again and he tried to suppress a grin. He pushed his elbow against Sam's side.

"Thanks, Sam."

"Every time."

Their eyes met.

"Sam, uhm…" Blaine scratched his neck. "I kind of need to ask you something."

"What?"

"It's about our prom date."

"Oh." Sam swallowed and his heart suddenly raced. "What about it?"

"I… oh God, this will be so embarrassing but…"

"No, Blaine, no, we can talk about everything, right?"

"Yeah." Blaine nodded. He put the book away and placed his hands on his lap, carefully studying them.

"Uhm. I'm kind of… getting some mixed signals from you. I mean you sang about…" Blaine took a deep breath. "Being my boyfriend? And later you kissed me and you like being really close and say things like you just did and…"

Blaine bit his lip and generally looked as if he was suffering. Sam couldn't take it. He grasped Blaine's hand and squeezed it.

"I like you so much, Blaine."

"But as a friend", Blaine said. It sounded like a question.

Sam had never really thought about how he felt about Blaine. Just the other way around.

"I don't know, I mean… I'm only discovering my sexuality."

Blaine exhaled and nodded. "Okay, yeah. I get it."

"Do you, uhm." Sam puckered his lips. Was he really going to say that now?

"What?" Blaine whispered.

"Maybe… help me?" Sam said equally quiet.

"Help you?"

Sam leaned closer, his heart pounding again. He felt the warmth of Blaine's hand in his and then the softness of Blaine's lips on his mouth. Blaine shuddered but answered with gentle movements. Thousands of thoughts crowded in upon Sam but he didn't catch a single one of them. Blaine's familiar scent swashed through his head and made it empty; and the taste of Blaine's lips made him hungry.

Like in trance he moved back an inch and tried to catch his breath, still feeling dizzy. Blaine's breathing came fast and irregular, too. His free hand had cramped into Sam's shirt, when had that happened? Blaine released the pressure but let his hand lie there.

It was a magical, warm moment that shouldn't end. It couldn't, not that fast. Sam put his hand in Blaine's neck and caressed his smooth skin. Did Blaine want to stop? Did he want to kiss again?

Sam lifted his eyes and found Blaine's directly in front of him, big, dark and welcoming. A hot wave rolled through Sam's stomach, down and up his body, tingling under his skin. His fingers twitched and before he knew what he was doing he pulled Blaine closer again, letting their lips crash together. Oh God. Fuck.

He drew back his hand from Blaine's to be able to place it on the black haired boy's body, more to keep himself steady than to touch him. Their entangling lips were everything that Sam could focus on and he really didn't know how he had never realised he needed this, exactly this. Blaine's kiss awoke a strong, intense energy in Sam's body that he gladly put into the kiss.

"But is this wise?"

"Huh?" Sam couldn't let go of Blaine's lips, he physically couldn't. And since he didn't it couldn't have been Blaine who had spoken. Somebody had to be in the room. Oh wow, those lips were like candy. Marzipan and honey.

Wait. There was someone in his room.

Reluctantly Sam pulled back and turned his head. Blaine sighed deeply and rested his head on Sam's shoulder, lazily stroking over his back. But Sam stared at G.S.W. who stood in the middle of the room, arms crossed and eyebrows lifted.

"Is what wise?" Sam asked.

"Huh?"

"Not you", Sam said and drew little circles on Blaine's neck. The mentioned boy lifted his head.

"The spirit?"

"Is it wise to start an affair now?" G.S.W. said. "You are in the middle of an important journey. Who knows who you will be when it ends? Also you need to make experiences."

"What do you think I'm doing right now?"

G.S.W. shook his head. "Not with someone emotionally so attached to you. This will end in pain."

"Fuck off!"

"Sam?" Blaine asked. "What is going on?"

Luckily, G.S.W. took Sam's advice and vanished. Sam took a deep breath and patted on Blaine's shoulder.

"Nothing. He's crazy."

But was he? Because what was Sam doing with Blaine? Kissing him because it was nice? Blaine had some kind of feelings for him, and that just wasn't fair.

So Sam drew back his arms and cleared his throat.

"Well, uhm, thanks."

"Thanks?" Blaine leaned back and his eyes almost plopped out of their sockets.

"I'm sorry? I shouldn't have… I…" Sam licked over his lips. Mh.

But no, really. With Blaine it would be complicated. They would ruin their friendship and their friendship was perfect. It was like they were platonic boyfriends.

"But… didn't you feel it?"

"Huh?" Sam looked at his hands. Of course he had felt it. That was why he had gone crazy and attacked Blaine's lips with a second kiss. The tingling energy still lingered in his legs, arms, everywhere.

"Don't know what you're talking about", Sam said.

"What do I have to do?"

"Nothing, Blaine, okay? Don't… put romance into us. Don't destroy us!"

"_You_ kissed me. _You_ started it. And you felt the spark between us, I know you did."

Sam sighed and drove a hand through his hair. His stomach felt as if he had eaten fish. Not good.

"We can't be boyfriends", he said.

"Why not?"

"Because we're young and stupid. It would be a mistake. And I need to kiss many boys before I'm ready for a gay relationship. With you it would be like… like… so serious." Sam pulled some dirt from underneath his fingernail and wiped it on the bed cloth.

"We'd stay together forever because we both can't bear to be alone and love being in a relationship. We would probably marry right after high school and I would follow you to New York, not knowing what to do with my life so I become a personal trainer, hey that's actually a good idea. And then we would get children and grow old together and annoy the hell out of each other and when you die first, because you will, I will cry until the end of my days."

Eventually Sam looked up and found that Blaine wasn't sceptical at all. Instead his eyes poured love on Sam more than ever before.

"Sounds perfect", Blaine whispered.

"Don't you get it? I don't want to have someone to stay forever with. I could never kiss any other boys or girls."

Blaine puckered his lips and his eyes gazed into distance.

"Talking about New York… I thought you wanted to go there, anyway."

"Well, yeah. I want to come with you. See? Already too dependent. But it's not like anything is holding me here, anyway."

"Why are you talking about dependency? When you do something out of friendship, to be with someone, that doesn't have to be pathological. It just means you… love me. Platonically."

Sam lay back on the bed and folded his hands underneath his neck. He loved Blaine. Platonically? Or… passionately? Romantically? If they would be together one day… and marry… and have children… like a boy and a girl. Twins because that's how the gays did it.

It was easy to imagine with Blaine but just because they were really close friends and Sam wanted a partner that was as nice and goodhearted as Blaine. But did it mean Sam loved him?

Blaine drove his hands over his face and exhaled.

"Okay. I'm going home then."

"But you only came a few minutes ago!"

"Sam." Blaine's voice was reproachful and his look doubtful. "You just rejected me."

"Oh… hm. Right."

"Yeah, tiny little detail one can forget easily", Blaine said, in a tone that Sam had never heard from him. But it reached his heart and tugged on it.

"I'm sorry", Sam said. He sat up. "But… we're still friends, right?"

"Give me some time."

Did that mean yes or no? Sam didn't know. He watched Blaine leave his room and then stared at the door, his chest tightening more with every second. Something had gone wrong. And it was Sam's stupid fault. He shouldn't have kissed Blaine.

No, actually it was G.S.W. fault. All of it.

"Damn you, gay spirit warrior! If that is even your real name! I bet you come into the lives of people just to destroy it!"

Sam would need to exorcise him, wouldn't he?


	7. Still boring Archetypes V

Thank you gleeville (I'm blushing right now!) and thank you guest! Keep it coming! I will, too. Here we go...

**Chapter 7**

"We're almost done with the archetypes. Now the warrior."

"No." Sam tore his ear plugs out of his head, jumped up from the bed and pointed at G.S.W. "It's all your fault!"

G.S.W. frowned. "What is?"

"Blaine loves me and is now heartbroken!"

"Oh. So you did not start an affair?"

"No."

"Because somebody told you so? Can't you make your own decisions?"

Sam stared at G.S.W. for a few moments. Then he picked up a tennis ball from the ground and through it at the Indian man. Unfortunately it flew right through him and crashed against a half empty bottle of Coke on Sam's desk, throwing it down.

"Are you in love with him?" G.S.W. asked.

"No. I don't know. I'm young and not made to be bound for eternity."

"Eternity?" G.S.W. frowned once again.

Sam went to his desk. He put the bottle onto it and sat down in his chair. Paper and pens were ready.

"Now, I should write a letter to my inner warrior, right?"

"No. Now is actually the time to go out into the word and improve your life."

"Improve? You just worsened it. Who knows if things between me and Blaine can ever be the same again!"

"So you make a list with five to ten changes you want to initiate in your life. It can be long projects or recent problems you want to fix."

"Oh, is that why you created a problem in my life? So I can fix it?"

"Delegating responsibility for your own actions and playing the victim won't help you."

Sam rolled his eyes. On top of his list he wrote: 'get rid of G.S.W.'

Sam looked over his shoulder. The annoying ghost wasn't there anymore. Well, good.

'fix things with Blaine'

'find fulfilment in job after school'

'get rich'

'kiss someone who is not Blaine'

Yes, Sam could totally do the last point. Then he would see that is was not about Blaine, this exciting tickling in his tummy. It was about kissing a boy.

'get a new shirt'

Yeah. That would be an easy one, too.

* * *

><p>The mall was just fantastic. Although it was kinda weird to be alone here. After getting a new shirt Sam watched groups of girls strolling through stores and groups of boys hanging around the game machines. Old people were slurping by, children were running and screaming and their parents were chatting with other parents. He looked into prams and saw sleeping babies. A labrador sniffed Sam's shoes so he petted it. Then he bought himself a frozen yoghurt and sat down on a bank near the water fountain.<p>

Sam had thought about it but he didn't know any place that he could go to, to find a boy to snog. So here he was.

He waggled his feet and looked at boys and girls. They were all boring and unattractive.

Sam looked at his watch. It was ten o'clock on a Saturday. Blaine would be up by now. Would he be mad if Sam called? They hadn't really talked since Wednesday. Well, Blaine had wanted time. Three days were enough, right?

"Wassuuup", Sam said as Blaine answered his phone.

"Oh, God, Sam, do you have to scream?"

"Are you – are you hung-over, Blainey-boy?" Sam teased him but his stomach did a weird little downward thingy. Had Blaine been to a party without him? Had he met someone?

"A bit."

Sam bit his lip. Maybe Blaine was lying in bed with someone right now. Maybe even someone Sam knew. Like… Artie!

"So you don't want to hang out at the mall?"

"Not really, no."

"Oh." Sam pursed his lips. "Where have you been last night?"

Blaine mumbled something.

"What?" Sam asked. "We don't hang out Friday night for the first time since I don't know when and you go out and have fun without me? That's so mean. That's so cliché."

"What's cliché about that? And why shouldn't I? After all I'm not dependent on you, despite of what you think."

"Haha."

Someone talked in the background and Sam pressed the phone closer to his ear. Blaine said "yeah, the first to the left" and Sam tore his eyes open.

"What that Artie?"

"What?" Blaine asked disbelievingly.

"Who's there with you?"

"Sam, I need to go. We see each other soon, okay?"

"How soon? When?"

"Well, at the latest Monday in –"

"Nooo, what about tomorrow? Sunday is Blamday! Because the sun is shining when we're together!"

Blaine hesitated but eventually agreed to a movie afternoon. When they had hung up Sam threw his empty cup in a bin and went to the grocery store to buy chocolate and chips for the next day. Tsk! Sleeping with Artie! What would Tina think about that?

Oh wait! Tina! She would know where Blaine had been. She had probably been there with him, going by the fact that she used every opportunity to get to Blaine when Sam wasn't around. So she also would know with who Blaine had gone home.

It rang circa a hundred times before Tina answered.

"Hey, Tina, uhm."

"Sam? Is something – hey!"

There was a rustle and then Sam got a heart attack.

"Are you calling Tina to question her about where I went last night?" Blaine's voice asked. Oh shit.

"No! Man! Come on, dude! So Tina is with you? Anybody else?"

"Goodbye, Sam."

"Wait!"

But it was too late, Blaine had already interrupted their connection.

Damn.

* * *

><p>Doesn't matter. Sam was on a mission, anyway. He had his new shirt and now it was Saturday night and he was ready to go out. He had other friends than Blaine and wasn't dependent on him, too!<p>

Just somehow Sam had not realised all of them were kinda… far away.

"Hey, Finn… hey."

"So, Puck, I heard you…"

"Mike, how are you, buddy?"

With a frustrated sigh Sam put his phone away. Why did no one want to drive to Lima for one night? He even would have let them crush on the couch! And Finn, who was going to college in Lima, had other plans. Oh man.

Wait.

Sam called Finn again.

"So, you're going out with your college friends, right?"

"Yeah?"

"So, college is like… the time and place when… what I'm asking you my friend… are there gay dudes among them? Or curious dudes?"

"Why?"

"Also, can I come with you? I have to show Blaine I can have fun without him."

Finn sighed. "Look, Sam… There will be half naked girls gliding over the floor and stuff. It's not really for high school boys."

"Perfect!"

* * *

><p>Turned out that college girls were really into high school boys. After one hour Sam had made out with two girls (no one had asked him) and then had to hide from them and their respective boyfriends. Who clearly didn't want to kiss him.<p>

"We have to see each other more often, man!" Finn said for the third time this night. He held up his fifth cocktail and hiccupped.

"I miss Blaine", Sam said while sucking on his straw. It was his fourth cocktail. There were boys running around, giving them away. For free. The same with beer and white wine.

"Are you a needy drunk?" Finn said. "Because there are five types of drunk people…"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, spare me your lecture. G.S.W. is more than enough to deal with."

"Who? Hey, Sam, can you do this?"

Finn guided his finger to his nose and got all cross-eyed.

Okay, so this was how college was. Not too bad. Everywhere where drunk people. Many were making out. Also girls with each other. Sadly, Sam didn't see boys making out. Was there any kind of double standard going on?

He and Finn were sitting on chairs at the pool, lazily watching people.

"Huh, Sam, can you?"

"If Blaine was here…"

"Hey, whats up, douch bags?" Someone who's name Sam had forgotten came to them and greeted Finn with a hit on the head.

"He's whining over his boyfriend and I'm being awesome", Finn informed his friend while rubbing his head.

The boy took a chair, turned it around and sat on it, his arms on the rest.

"What happened, just broke up?" he asked Sam. "Did college come between you? Whatever, man, heads up. You'll find someone new in no time. I can discreetly point out to you who is playing for your team."

"But…" Sam pouted. He would _never_ do this to Blaine if they just had broken up. Of course they hadn't and he was here for exactly what the boy offered. So Sam nodded and got up.

* * *

><p>Slobbery and wet. Nothing more. Sam was a bit disappointed. He still returned Adrian's kiss but when it faded away Sam mumbled something of 'needing the bathroom' and stole himself away.<p>

What a bore. The whole evening was a big fuck up. Why had he even come here?

"I wanna go hooome", he whined when he sat down next to Finn again. "Have you even left this chair?"

"No, why would I?" Finn drank from a bottle of beer and gazed at the stars. Sam got comfy in his own chair and copied Finn. Except for the bottle in his hand.

"I have a problem, Finny."

"What is it?"

"I think I'm in love with my best friend."

There. He had said it. He couldn't imagine a life without Blaine and he didn't even want to kiss other people anymore. They didn't make him feel special and loved.

"With me?"

"No! Dude!" Sam rubbed his nose and, when he was finished with that, was hit with an epiphany. "Wait! Actually, that's a good idea."

"What is?"

"It probably was just about kissing someone I know. Kissing a bro. It doesn't have to be about Blaine, right?"

"Huh?" Finn drank from his bottle. "Kurt told me all about you being gay without knowing it yet. Who would have guessed he was right?"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever, can we kiss now?"

"Who?"

"You and me."

"Why? I'm not gay."

"But I need to try something."

"You will end up loving me and getting heartbroken."

"I guarantee you this will not happen."

Finn drank from his bottle, then shook his head as if declining an offered chewing gum.

"Bros don't kiss their bros. It's disgusting", he eventually said.

Sam stared at him. Finn was right. It would be _so_ disgusting to kiss him. Sam really didn't want it. So why had he wanted to kiss Blaine? What had made him do it? G.S.W.? And the kiss itself…

"But… that magical feeling", Sam said. "When you kiss someone and it's _wow_ and you can't stop even if you wanted to and it's so magical you can see sparks in front of your eyes and the whole air is, like, buzzing with sweet unsaid things and your whole body is yearning for more and… all that stuff."

Finn nodded. "That's what girls are there for. Have you spoken to Rachel lately?"

"No."

"Huh." Finn drank more.

Sam leaned back in his chair and looked at the black sky. What now?

* * *

><p>Someone banged against his door. Sam pulled his blanket over his head and moaned.<p>

"What?"

"Uh… your mother said I should throw you out of your bed", Blaine said. Sam rolled his eyes and pulled down the blanket. His best friend was standing in the room, hands in his pockets, hair neatly gelled… but he looked so lost. As if he had never been here before.

"You can try", Sam said. "But I am a teenager and have the right to sleep in on Sundays."

"It's two p.m."

"Sleep _in!_" Sam pulled his blanket over his head again. He had no clue whether his words made any sense but whatever. He still hadn't come to a conclusion what to do. Or made friends with the fact that he apparently was in love with Blaine. Or whatever was going on.

After a few quiet moments he poked out of a whole. Blaine was still standing there, his hands now folded behind his back. He was so cute Sam had to grin.

"You're Frodo Baggins."

"Mh… Sam? How about you get out of bed, get dressed and then we talk?"

"Talk? You're here to talk?" Suddenly Sam was very alarmed. Talking was never good. Blaine would say how he didn't want them to be friends anymore and they should never see each other again ever.

"We will watch a movie!" Sam jumped out of bed, wearing a worn out blue Garfield T-Shirt and red chequered boxers. He hurried to the TV, switched it on and put a DVD into the player. Then he grabbed the remote control and sat down cross legged on his crumbled sheets. His heart was racing with 100 km/h and he carefully glanced at Blaine.

The black haired boy sighed and came to the bed, too. When he climbed on it he said: "I need to apologize, Sam. Clearly, I overreacted last Wednesday. And imagined things."

"You did?"

"I'm sorry. I want us to be friends forever. Are you alright with that?"

"Uhm…" Sam scratched his head. "So you don't… like… you're not…"

Blaine nudged Sam's arm.

"And hey, when we go to New York… maybe things with me and Kurt will be on again, huh? So don't worry. No, I'm not."

"Oh." Sam gulped. Kurt. Right. Of course.

He nodded and held out his hand. "Friends forever, bro."

Blaine grinned and shook Sam's hand.


	8. Archetypes VI

Thank you! I'm so glad I have people who read my stuff! :-)

**Chapter 8**

"And now the last archetype", G.S.W. said. Oddly enough he had appeared in school again. Sam was just coming out of History and suddenly there stood the Indian man. As usual, people were walking through him.

"It's the explorer. He's who will help you live a better life."

"Listen, man. Until now none of this shit has actually helped me", Sam said as he went on to the lockers.

"I still don't know what to do after school, I'm not in a happy relationship and I'm not happier about myself. I'm still same old same old", Sam said. Some students were looking funny at him, probably wondering who he was talking to.

"To me you seem more self-assured. You know who you are now, don't you?" G.S.W. said.

"But what does that matter when everything is still shitty?" Sam opened his locker and stuffed his book into it.

"You need to love yourself!"

"Yeah, yeah."

"What did you love to do as a child?"

"Looking at male models", Sam said as he got out his Spanish book and secretly glanced at Blaine's locker. The other boy had to be here any minute and Sam was looking forward to look into his eyes and see his smile and let Blaine lighten up his day.

"What else?"

"I don't know!" Sam moaned.

"Well, think about it. Find out what you are enthusiastic about. Get into the mind set of living life as an adventure again! Follow your passion!" he called while he mystically vanished.

Sam sighed. He didn't have time to think about his childhood. He had school stuff to do and work out and…

"Hey, Sam!" Blaine arrived at his locker and sent Sam a smile that he returned immediately.

"Hi! How are you?"

"I'm fine. And you?" Blaine quickly took a book out of his locker and shut the door.

"Me, too." Sam nodded.

"Good." Blaine smiled again. "See you later." He took off and soon was lost in the crowd. Sam still stood there, grinning like an idiot.

"Yeah, see you. I love you."

Sam jerked up at his own words and straightened his face, glancing around if anybody had heard him. Didn't seem like it. Good. But man, he had to be more careful.

* * *

><p>Spanish was so great. Sam could relax and think about important things like… what had he been passionate about as a child? He made a list into his Spanish notebook.<p>

'fashion magazines'

Hmmm, Blaine had looked super cute and hot at the same time. How was that even possible?

Sam missed Blaine's scent surrounding him and making him feel safe. And his arms and, well, his lips…

Oh, yeah, the list.

'crawling under the table and pretending I'm a dog so people had to feed me'

That sounded a bit weird. Better not let anyone see this list.

"Sam?" Mr Schue addressed him. "We're not in Glee, you can sing later."

"Huh?" Sam looked up. He had only summed a bit, not that loud, right? Mr Schue sent him a strict look and went on talking about something in Spanish.

'doing impressions of Woody and Buzz-Lightyear'

His neighbour to his left leaned over and Sam quickly laid his hand on the list.

"Why are you writing about fashion magazines? Do you want to become a designer?" she asked. "Cause, you know, me too! I have applied to…"

Yadda, yadda. Somehow her voice mixed with Mr. Schue's and Sam didn't get any of it. But… fashion designer? That didn't sound too bad. He could think of good looking stuff for girls and boys and make them wear it.

"Mh, uhm, do you think it's too late to apply now?" he interrupted his neighbour. She sent him a disbelieving glance.

"For this year, yes! You have to do it in October!"

"Oh. Mh."

"But if you have relations, you know, it could work. Do you have relations?"

"No…"

"Pity. Where have you applied?"

"Hmmm…"

"Will you go to New York?"

"Yes!"

"Cool! I mean, I know we never really talk but when I'm in Pratt and need a male model I could call you, right? You look the part."

"I know I do", Sam said. He stroked over his abs. "Will that mean I have relations?"

She wrote something down and didn't answer. Sam looked at the board, oh, Mr Schue was teaching them something. Well, he was all the time but, yeah.

Sam took some Spanish notes and then doodled on his list. Thinking of Blaine was so much fun, like, Sam could easily do it all day long. But he also wanted to see him, talk to him, hear him laugh…

"You really like this song, don't you?" his neighbour asked.

"What?"

"You're humming all the time. Jason Mraz."

"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend", Sam realised. How had that song come into his head now? Weird.

Finally the lesson was over and Sam hurried to the lockers. He couldn't miss the time Blaine came to his. Only one more hour then they would have lunch together.

Blaine was already there! Sam hurried to him and put a hand on his shoulder to greet him.

"Hey! How was Algebra?"

"Okay, I guess." Blaine shrugged.

"Stupid Monday", Sam said. "We don't have anything together."

He opened his own locker and put his book back in.

"Yes, we do. Glee", Blaine said.

"Right, yeah, cool!" Sam held up his hand and Blaine laughingly high-fived him. For a second Sam held onto Blaine's hand as they put their arms down again. Then the nice moment was over.

"Hey, do you know Marissa from my Spanish class? She asked me to model for her. Do you think I should?" Sam said, and he didn't know why, since it had been nothing serious and she would forget about it anyhow. But somehow Sam wanted to see Blaine's reaction.

"Of course you would make a good model, Sam", Blaine said while he searched for something in his locker.

"And if it's fun for you then you should definitively do it." Blaine put a book into his bag, closed his locker and lifted his eyes.

"See you later."

"Yeah."

Sam watched him go, expelling air through his lips. Somehow he got the feeling that things would get a bit more difficult than they had been.

* * *

><p>Biology frightened Sam. Well, not the subject because he didn't really know what topic they were on was about. The teacher talked the whole time in a low, mumbling voice that only the students sitting in the first row could understand. Sometimes she gave out sheets to summarize the last lessons and that's when Sam knew a test would come.<p>

But right now the air was clean and he had time to think. And that was the problem. He had remembered his argument with that he had rejected Blaine. He heard his own words echoing through his head. '_We will marry, have children, grow old together._' The truth was this was not what Sam believed would actually happen. It was what he saw when he looked into the future, yes, but not as a fact. He _wanted_ it to be like that.

And that was why it never would come to pass. So very understandingly fear took hold of his whole body as he realised the future he had subconsciously planned would never be reality. He didn't know what would be and with who he would end up with. Everything was unclear and downright scary as the false security of Blaine being forever at his side folded into little pieces.

Naturally his spirits were pretty down during lunch. He sat in the cafeteria and half-heartedly ate his salad when Blaine came to him.

"Everything okay?" Blaine asked as he put his try on the table and sat down.

"Hm. I don't know. Just thinking about the future and stuff."

"Is this about the modelling gig?"

"What modelling gig?"

"You told me a girl wanted you to model for her."

"Oh, yeah, that. No. That's not going to happen."

"Pity! Why not?"

Sam grumbled and poked around in his food.

"Also, I'm trying to remember what I liked as a kid. G.S.W. wants me to find my passion."

"You liked kites, right?"

"Oh, yeah." Sam pulled out his journal and wrote it on his list. He didn't even remember when he had told Blaine about that. But whatever.

"Anything else?" Sam asked his friend.

Blaine lifted his eyebrows. "Why do you ask me? Can't you remember it?"

"It's hard, okay? I'm busy enough as it is."

"You're busy? With what?"

"Nothing." Sam mumbled and put his book away. Blaine didn't need to know Sam's major task at the moment was changing his vision of the future. Putting someone else there instead of him. Sam wondered how long he had already thought of Blaine in that way.

"Did you like sports?"

"I _just_ put the book away, Blaine. Wrong timing!"

"Hey, I'm trying help, okay? Don't grouse at me when you asked me for this."

"Yeah, yeah." Sam rubbed over his nose and decided to not finish his salad. Who needed food, anyway?

"I think I liked singing and dancing", he eventually said to his plate.

"That's good. I mean you still like it, so your heart is really in it."

"Yeah… my heart…" Sam patted at his chest and looked down. His heart was doing crazy things.

"Only… your heart is here, Sam." Blaine leaned over to gently move Sam's hand to the left. Where he touched Sam's skin some nice electric sparks ignited. Out of a knee jerk reaction Sam drew his hand back. He felt his face blushing but he preferred not to look at Blaine.

Shit. Why was it so hard to deal with this when things were actually serious?

And hadn't Blaine wanted them to be together? But had he really meant if? After all already a few days later he had talked about Kurt and how everything would stay like it was.

"Sorry."

Sam turned his head. "Sorry for what?"

"I don't know but I guess I did something wrong when you freeze and stare at your salad as if it had grown a moustache."

Sam glanced at his salad. It still looked normal.

"I just can't stop thinking about the list. With the childhood passions. I will continue this now, okay? See you in Glee."

Sam got up, took his tray and walked away.


	9. The journey goes on

**Chapter 9**

"I'm afraid we'll have to say goodbye soon."

A week later G.S.W. sat cross-legged on the bench while Sam was busy sweeping the terrace.

"Maybe that's for the best", Sam nodded.

"What have you learned until now?"

"That talking with ghosts will make you aware you're in love with someone you can't have?"

G.S.W. frowned. "My lessons are completely about you. You have to love yourself –"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." Sam turned his back to G.S.W. But this time the spirit wasn't as easy to get rid of.

"You're not taking me serious."

"Because it's not as easy as you say, okay?" Sam turned around again and looked at him. "I can write some weird letters every day but that won't change anything."

"It changed your self-awareness like you said yourself."

Sam sighed. "Well, okay, maybe. But I'm still not in a good mood."

"I never said it would be easy."

"_Nobody said it was easy…_" Sam hummed while he arranged the dirt to a neat pile. _"…no one ever said it would be that hard._"

"You deserve love. Act like it." With those wise words G.S.W. started to vanish.

Sam finished his work before he allowed himself to dwell on G.S.W.'s advice. He deserved love? Really? Blaine would say yes but this was not about what Blaine thought. It's about what Sam believed to be true about himself. And he had to admit it. He never let on what he was feeling when he was with Blaine because he was afraid where it would lead them. He was pretty sure Blaine would agree to something. Whatever it would be. But how long would Blaine stay? A month? A year?

Sam knew it could end and he could get heartbroken. That was the risk everybody entering a new relationship had to take. Maybe the real question was: What kept Sam from enjoying the time – however long or short – he could get with Blaine? Was it his conviction he didn't deserve a happy, fulfilling relationship?

Oh man. What a big mess.

Sam went inside the house and poured himself a glass of water in the kitchen. He leaned against the counter and tried not to drown in his own thoughts but as usual lately all he saw was Blaine. How great it would be when they could whisper sweet nothings into each other's ears, hold hands all the time, flirt and kiss… would it be really as easy and pleasing as it was in his head?

Stupid question. Of course it would be.

And Sam deserved it. Now the only issue remaining was: How to tell Blaine?

* * *

><p>In Sam's mind everything was easy. He would buy roses and chocolates and put on a love movie and Blaine would totally understand what Sam was trying to tell him.<p>

So he bought those things, including the DVD 'Moulin Rouge' (Blaine had once told him it was his favourite love movie ever) and invited his best friend over. The petals of the roses came all over the floor and the chocolate box was lying on the desk, ready to be given away.

And it worked. When Blaine came in he stopped and his jaw dropped while his eyes wandered over the floor.

"Is something going on I don't know about?" he asked.

"Well, I thought we could use a change and, yeah…" Sam spread his arms. "You like it?"

Blaine came into the room, careful to not step on the petals. "Yeah. It's nice."

"And look what we will watch!" Sam went to the desk and held up the cover of the movie. Immediately Blaine put his hand to his mouth and his eyes widened.

"Oh my God! Sometimes it's like you can read my mind! Just yesterday I was thinking about Kurt and wondered what he was doing and…" Blaine sighed. He came to Sam and took the cover.

Sam narrowed his eyes. Why was there talk about Kurt right now?

"It's the best love movie ever", Blaine raved. He went to the bed, cuddled up to a pillow and looked dreamily at the TV.

Somehow it was one of the worst afternoons of all times. Sam sat beside Blaine who constantly sighed or blew his nose or wiped over his eyes. It was a good effect it had on Blaine, yes, but somehow he had forgotten that Sam even existed. Except for when the girl died (what the hell, why did she die?) because then he cried out loud and threw himself into Sam's arms.

Okay. The next time then.

* * *

><p>The sales woman looked doubtingly at Sam.<p>

"I'm telling you! She dies! What kind of love movie is that?" he complained.

"I'm not sure if that is a reason to give you back your money. Especially since you already removed the safety label." She examined the DVD cover while Sam tipped his fingers on the counter.

"Tell you what, we make a deal. You don't give me back my money but give me another DVD. A real love movie with an actual happy ending. One where the two people made for each other get each other _and_ get old together."

The woman sighed and put the DVD away. "I think I have exactly what you want."

* * *

><p>G.S.W. didn't seem to mind anymore. One week had passed and he hadn't appeared. Not that Sam thought about him much. He was on a mission once again and he would succeed.<p>

New rose petals were on the floor and the chocolate box that hadn't been used the other day was lying on the bed. Sam was, too, trying to resist the temptation of eating the chocolate already. The remote control was on his stomach and his head rested cosily on a pillow.

Finally Blaine arrived. Once again he looked confused at the decoration as he came to the bed.

"Do you like to see me cry or…?"

"I do not particularly enjoy it but if it are tears of joy then… maybe."

Blaine sat down on the bed and sighed. "Look, has this to do with the spirit? Is he telling you to bring together two people?"

"Uhm…"

"Because I'm over Kurt, really. Yes, I cried but only because Moulin Rouge has that effect on me. And I looked back and, well… it was great with Kurt. But it's over. Us watching the movie actually made me realise it. So…" Blaine shrugged.

"Perfect! Cause I was getting really jealous. No more Kurt talk ever? What about…" Sam disguised his voice. "_Maybe in New York we'll get back together?_"

"I don't think that will happen. I was just saying it to…" Blaine blushed and looked at his fingers. "Well, to take the awkwardness out of our situation."

"Did it work?"

Blaine looked up. Oh, his beautiful, loving eyes.

"Yes", he said. "Or don't you think so?"

"Hm." Sam cupped his own chin. "I didn't feel awkward. Only afraid. And I still am but…"

Sam gulped and wetted his lips. Now it was time to tell the truth. Would Blaine believe him? Would he still want it?

"I'm… I know what I want now."

"I thought you've known all along."

"No. I didn't."

Blaine exhaled and lay down on the bed. He saw the chocolates and looked at them for a few seconds, then he lifted his gaze and met Sam's eyes.

"And what do you want?"

Sam took a deep breath. Just spill it out.

"I want you."

A moment of silence that actually could be described as awkward fell over them. Sam cleared his throat.

"I mean I… I bought you some chocolates and a real love movie, just for us, I already checked if it has a pleasing ending, and it has, although the woman kind of gets sick and forgets her life, but the man's with her all along, and that's real love, you know, and… I want that for us. I know I'm probably overly romantic and wanting something that only exists in movies but what I said the other day? How it would be if we were together? I want that. With you. I don't know since when or even why but it's in my head like that and I'm always so excited when I see you and when I hear you laugh that makes my day, really."

Sam talked too much. He forced himself to be silent and to breathe.

"It's okay if you don't want me. I can live with that. As long as we're still friends, I mean, because I need you in my life one way or the other. You're the best thing that ever happened to me."

Blaine stared at the TV for some time. Eventually he cleared his throat.

"So you don't want to kiss very many boys and girls?"

"No."

Only you.

"What happened to change your mind?"

"Well, I did kiss someone and realised how stupid I've been."

Blaine rubbed over his nose. He didn't really seem enthusiastic and Sam knew he had blown his chance. It wouldn't happen. But at least it was out now. He didn't have to hide it anymore.

"Look, let's just watch the movie and talk about it later", Sam suggested.

"What's it called?"

"The Notebook. Okay, here we go. Oh, by the way, uhm… these are for you."

Sam pushed the chocolates over to Blaine and then settled down on his pillow while he pressed play. He kept his gaze directly at the TV when Blaine made himself comfortable next to him and opened the chocolate box.

Sam's heart pounded all the way through the movie and whenever Blaine moved he held his breath. But it didn't very often. In fact they have both been never that motionless during a movie and stayed in the same position until the end. When the credits rolled over the screen it didn't relieve Sam but he turned to Blaine to ask what he thought.

To Sam's shock there were some tears on Blaine's cheek. Before Sam could think about it he lifted his hand and laid it on Blaine's shoulder.

"Hey! Everything okay? I mean… you're not crying of sadness, right?"

Blaine wiped over his eyes. "It was a sad end, Sam. I mean, in a good way. And… maybe… maybe I liked this movie even better than Moulin Rouge. Because it really is about the epic of true love while being realistic and not as melodramatic as the short love of Christian and Satine who, in the end, never got over the stage of being freshly in love and so never got the chance to see if they really were made for each other like Noah and Allie clearly were."

Sam nodded although he wasn't sure if Blaine was only talking about the movies or not. But when their eyes met he knew he wasn't. Sam's heart took up speed again as he held the others gaze for what felt like eternity.

"Kiss me, Sam", Blaine whispered. Without thinking about it Sam glided closer. First he laid his arms around Blaine's shoulders, squeezed him and pressed his lips against Blaine's temple. From there he wandered over his cheek, tasted salty tears and then the sweet rapture of Blaine's lips. It was even better than in his memory. So much better. And it lasted forever. Even when they separated Sam could still feel it.

* * *

><p>Two weeks later Sam once again got the biggest fright ever because G.S.W. appeared out of nowhere.<p>

"Damn it! I thought you were gone forever!"

G.S.W. looked at him doubtingly. "I wouldn't go without finishing your education."

"But I have a boyfriend now."

"So?"

"So you reached your goal! I'm gay!"

G.S.W. shook his head. He held up the book. "It's about self-confidence and spirituality, whether you are in a relationship or not."

Sam sighed. If G.S.W. talked again about how he had to love himself he would scream. Although he had to admit that he felt better about himself since he had in the beginning. He even would without Blaine. Really. (But it was super great to have a boyfriend who worshipped the ground he walked on. Sometimes Sam still wondered how he deserved this.)

"Well, anyway", Sam said. He adjusted his tie and looked into the mirror. "I'm on my way to prom, I don't have time for your advice."

"The journey goes on, never forget that. Keep in mind what you have accomplished and where you want to go. And that your true power lies within yourself. Will you keep writing a spiritual diary?"

"Uhmmm…" Sam pulled a face. "I'm not the biggest fan of writing. But I started to draw fashion and I think I will apply to Pratt or something for next year. It's all cool."

"I am glad. Just never forget that you have all resources that you need to do with your life whatever you want."

"Okay!" Sam rolled his eyes because G.S.W. sure liked to repeat himself.

"One last task."

"Yeah?" Sam turned around and looked at his backside. His trousers were tight. Blaine sure will like it, he thought with a little devilish grin.

"Give my book to someone who needs me."

G.S.W. lifted a hand. "Goodbye, my friend."

Sam directed his gaze at the spirit and waved. "Yeah. Goodbye, and thanks, man."

G.S.W. nodded and vanished. And just like that, he was gone. Sam wiped away a tear from his eye that was there because, uh, he was allergic to ghosts and then he took a deep breath and got on his way to get Blaine.

**Epilogue**

* * *

><p>Fifteen months later, NYC, Pratt entrance hall<p>

* * *

><p>Stefan had his headphone on and blended out everyone and everything. Because he hated the world.<p>

So it was understandable that he was about to scream when someone tipped on his shoulder. He ripped the headphone down and turned around, staring at a friend of his.

"_What?_"

It was Sam Evans and he held up a book.

"Dude, I so forgot this."

"Is that my problem?"

"It's not a problem, it's something good! It will help you!" Sam tried to give the book to Stefan but he just frowned.

"No, thanks. School makes me read enough."

"Believe me." Sam shoved the book into Stefan's hands. He rolled his eyes and put the book into his backpack without looking at it. He could get rid of it later.

"Let's go to the cafeteria, I'm hungry", he said as he put the backpack on again.

"Sure thing. Blaine has to be here every minute." Sam looked at his watch while Stefan rolled his eyes again. Every day either Sam vanished for the whole lunch break long or his boyfriend showed up here although his school was about half an hour away. And then the boys only had twenty minutes for lunch. Once Stefan had asked why they just gave it up and ate dinner together in the evening and Sam had looked at him as if he had tried to explain that cows could fly.

"Because then we don't see each other during lunch", had been his answer while Blaine had shaken his head over such a stupid question.

"We have to tell you something!" Sam clapped his hands and watched the entrance.

"What?"

"Wait till Blaine's here!"

"But I'm hungry!"

"He will be here any minute."

"Anyway, I'm not in the mood for happy cheesy couples so…" Stefan turned to go. But Sam held him back on the sleeve and lifted his other hand. A ring glittered on his finger.

"Blaine proposed!"

Stefan stared at the ring. What the hell? Now they were really overdoing it.

"But… you're so young. Maybe in one year you'll love someone else!"

Sam shook his head and looked at his watch again. "I don't need anyone else. I mean yes, life's an adventure and there will be ups and downs but if one thing's sure then that Blaine is gonna be right there at my side through all of it. I have thought of marriage since we're in New York but I thought maybe I was going too fast…"

"You are."

"…but then he asked me and duh! Of course we'll do it. We belong together so let's make it official, right?"

"Because right now you are so secretive", Stefan commended. Sam didn't listen because his boyfriend had appeared and suddenly he didn't see anything else anymore.

Stefan sighed as he watched them exchange fond kisses. Maybe, just maybe, it was kind of cute. And even more maybe he wanted to have something like that, too.

Just maybe.

**The end**

* * *

><p>AN Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! I'm not a very good spiritual writer I fear but it was fun^^. We will see each other soon because now I will try to write on my Midsummer fic 'It's my life' and then, hopefully in time for Nanowrimo, I will work on the third part of 'Your Secret Admirer'. Thanks again, man! I'm so glad some people like to read my shit because then it's even more fun to write it! :-)


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